Twelve mistakes you made in 2013

N.B:  Don’t be alarmed by any of it.

      When you ditch your closest friends and your brother to spend the worst New Year ever in the most happening place in India, take a hint, you got some bad mojo to start the year.

      When invited to visit the house of important people in your future life, accept graciously or live with the decision, don’t crib about it every opportunity you get even if it’s only in your head.

      If you imagine that your closest single friend will not take your getting hitched well, if you feel uncomfortable, it’s called instinct, follow it, instead of conducting an opinion poll & trying to garner support, you don’t need to secretly obtain political support for your party.

      You don’t get points for forgetting to mail the invitations or sending them to the wrong email id, that’s just an excuse. Whatsapp & Facebook are not replacements of a telephone call.

      If you invite a friend from outside the city to an event remember to include him in all the group gathering, anything else is an excuse.

      Not keeping in touch with friends who are abroad because you are engaged is exactly the hypocritical thing you would hate. Making the effort to get on Skype for a man instead of your friends makes you a loser.

      Just because a colleague and a friend did not reply to your sms or call doesn’t mean you be an egoistic bitch, and complain to everyone about it. Calling her or mailing her would have taken less time.

      Blaming a good friend for good solid advice which prevented you from doing something you know you would have regretted is called being a bitch. God knows how many times you have peddled advice; at least no body threw it back at your face.

      Just because you are not in the mood to attend to some surprise guests doesn’t mean you can pounce on the under the guise of small talk or look bored, that’s just misbehavior. The least expected is diplomacy & interpersonal skills, in all walks of life. Not having the decency to call them and apologize immediately just makes you a delusional & defensive idiot.

      Just because your vacation plans with your friends isn’t final doesn’t mean you don’t share it till the last moment, that’s just plain rude and to defend yourself over this is juvenile. Where’s the honest spirit in this? Try walking in the other’s shoe for a minute.

      Just because you are in the habit of panicking before any travel doesn’t mean you throw a public tantrum in the guise of a fake call to a friend & behave hysterically & not bother to apologize & pretend to be the victim. You know you are wrong but you would rather be the Ostrich.

      Just because you have lost a parent or left your job or got married shouldn’t be an excuse for anything that you did or didn’t do, nor should that give anyone the right to dictate who you are. Grow some ovaries. Do the right thing. Stand up for yourself.

What Married Women Talk About- A confession

I have many girlfriends who are married and most of their conversations center around their mother in laws, who seem to be 'pain in d wrong places' kind of humans & I simply do not understand why do they exist. In my own superiority complex I have forever been convinced that if & when I do get married I will not be one of those women. Those women who constantly bitch about their in laws and crib about their husband.

But we all have assumptions about who we are or will be. And usually these are wrong. In my case, it is no different. I can foresee my future. But the small consolation is, all my girl friends are in the same boat and I will have people who will show me some sympathy.

So, here's me climbing down from my High horse, and apologizing to every one of you who have heard my silly, bland, off the cuff, hand me down, moral sermonizing & not slapped me for being naive. I now understand it takes a bitch to deal with a bitch and never again shall I tell you to keep calm and ignore [unless it is absolutely necessary to prevent you from committing manslaughter] & I will let you vent your frustrations as much as possible. And if possible join in with a few anecdotes of my own and may be we will both laugh out loud & feel less like taking the chain saw or rat poison to the in laws.

The 'C' word

When I was growing up for some reason I remember being terrified of the 'C' word. I thought for the longest time of avoiding it. I even planned & imagined scenarios where if forced how to avoid the 'C' word. When I outgrew the childish fantasies, I worried needlessly on when & where the 'C'word would grab me unaware. I looked everywhere always on my toes waiting to side step the 'C' word. I preached to all who would here that their lives would be better without this. I was disappointed to the point of being disgusted of people close to me falling prey to to the dreaded 'C' word. The best of my best people, the one's I idolized fell victim to this spreading disease.
And then at this ripe old age, it slowly dawned upon me that the one thing I have been avoiding has always been a part of my life just as it has been a part of everyone I know. There is no living without the 'C' word. The best accept it. Who am I to run around yelling myself hoarse convincing myself that I will never end up with the 'C' word?
So yes, finally I admit to myself that having run from it for the longest possible time I have come to accept that COMPRMISE is part of my life & I cannot ignore it.

Which is the one word you have wanted to avoid in life?

Not a morning person

I have forever wondered what it means when folks tell me that they are a moring person. Doesit mean they like morning? Does it man perhaps that they like the sunrise? Does it even mean anything at all?

Most people who tell me this seem to be chasing the Sun, waking up in the wee hours of dawn and persuing some ferverant activity. Either they study, jog, exercise, cook, clean or worse take a shower in cold water.

Now their example has made me realise that I am not a morning person. Unlike them my alarm only goes off at about 8and after a snooze or two I manage toget out of bed just before 9. I stumble around trying to figure out what is it that I'm suposed to do. In about half an hour I manage to get ready for work, stuff my face with food and rush out the door to my car. Mostly in a daze. I don't like being spoken to during this time because I'm in no mood to commnicate. I don't accept calls for the same reason.

As I type this I wonder what happened to me. As far back I can remember I have always had to go to a morning school, ge up early to study, yet over he last few years I seem to have given up on the ways of the world and given myself over to being utterly lazy. So come winter or summer I seem to clingto my bed till 8 when rest of the worldis wide awake and rushing about with purpose.

Here I am , on of those odd days, awake since 5 in the morning and havingtravelled across a state line waiting patiently at an airport lounge typing a blog post.

I begin to think, may be I don't have to be one or the other - morning or a non morning person. May be I do not need to define myself at all.

I love you, Goa!

I have been to Goa. Yes, I have been to the famed beach getaway and I'm in love. I cannot begin to justify my love. Where do I begin? I can talk to you about the diversity and natural richness. I could talk about the laid back lifestyle and how it reminds me of Ulysses and the lotus eaters. I could talk economics and qoute petrol price may be even go completely consumer focussed and do a price comparison of alcohol across states in india. But honeslty Goa would shrug and shuffle off at the mention of numbers and analysis.

Goa had greeted me with cloudy sky and a drizzle and mesmerasized me with the greenary and ever changing landscape. I found my senses overwhelmed by Chorla ghats where misty clouds drenched me. The forest looked both alluring and scary reminding me of the Lord of the Rings. The dark black asphalt road beckoned to come on a ride, find new places in the nooks and crevices of Goa and forget the world that existed outside Goa.

Goa is not jus one entity, it is perhaps a conglomeration of the nature, the ambience, the weather, the people. Yes, Goans make this place what it is. As a tourist you gape at every structure you pass in Panjim city and click goes your digicam. No one flinches or moves a muscle. You don't feel out of place for a moment. Perhaps it is my imagination they don't seem to notice us.

The architecture of Goa always suprises you. Everywhere there is something unique or special which catches your eye and makes you stop in your tracks and stare. The churches that are scattered across Goa lure you for one more untold story.

The beaches each of them different from the last. The sand feels different at Anjuna or Candolim or Calangute. You start noticing the sea comes towards you differently at each beach. At Anjuna you are graced with frothy white foam in each step. At Calangute the sea seems distant and more concentrated in its effort not really worrying about what you think. At Vagatore the water is clearer carresing you, sometimes playful but mostly serene.

As I got closer to my date of return I realised I was falling hopelessly in love with Goa. I had to come back. I had to let my spirits get drenched in the chilled water of the beautiful falls on Chorla ghat, I had to shut my eys and pray at the old church, I had to build a sand castle on candolim or anjuna beach, I had to spend the entire night under the starlit sky listening to the songs of the sea while digging into a chocolate pancake. How could I forget the gastronomic delight that Goa is? I think my long term relationship with Goa has begun.

The New Year Post

Every year it is customery for me to either end the year with a post or begin it. In 2013 I'm late for both. Call it laziness or procastination. This year's post is modelled on a the "points to remember" at the end of each chapter of our high school books. Things I learnt in 2012: 1. Nothing lasts forever, Human life is too transitory to come with any warantees and gurantees. 2. Revenge is a dish best served cold. But serving it means spoiling one's own appetite for a very long time. 3. Friends and foes are mutually interchangeable depending on how happy your life looks from the outside. 4. East India has no decent cities to travel to, apart from kolkata, what we have as cities are merely big suburbian towns stretched out for lack of options. 5. I've a ridiculous belief that I can be a regular member of a health club. 6. There is never anything to wear just when you thought you will not shop again for the next 6 months. 7. A good looking vampire or a serial killer does as well as a good looking Bf as in all the above cases you are staring at a idiot -box. 8. Online shopping is injurious to financial health and should come with a statutory financial warning. 9. Working sucks especially if you are doing somethig you dislike and are too proud to admit to hate, or too chicken to give up because then points 5. 6. & 8.may be jeaopardized. 10. Happiness is still pretty over-rated. Happy New Year , Everyone!

Not a Kaahani Review

If you have watched the movie you cannot talk about the twist and ruin it for others. You can only post generic comments about the actor Vidya Balan and wax eloquent about the city - Kolkata. I read all the fb posts of my friends and their friends and grew frustrated not having seen it. I wish everyone who had watched it before did not take the 'spoiler alert' too seriously and told me the twist at the end, the waiting for the twist is always interesting but is also nerve wrecking. I am also glad no one told me, because I had my own theory forming when the last 15 mins ripped its thread and shocked me. It was not a twist for twist's sake like an Abbas Mastaan thriller, it was a well formulated twist, which once revealed took you back to the really subtle hints left through out the 100 mins preceding it.


But I am also not shying away from admitting that the build up to this movie left me slightly disappointed. Team Kaahani is not to blame, it is the nature of human expectations.


Team Kaahani, with director Sujoy Ghose is full of Bengalis, set in Kolkata there are only a handful of characters which are played by other actors. So it's a huge boost of , umm can I hazard saying, Ego? Each of the actors who I see in crazy slap stick comedies or adaptation of Ray classic or in the daily soap playing on some Bengali channel shook my pseudo intellectual upturned nose and eye roll, they were good, they were not actors, they were characters, they were the manager of the guest house, they were the officer at the police station, they were the amayik bangali bhadralok who always began with "namoshkar" and ended with a gesture to God.

I have already said too much.


There will be pages written about Vidya who out does herself in each role she picks up, she looks the same, she does not need to change the way she looks drastically all she simply adds is may be a cloak or a loosely done hair, she does not have the limited expressions that is bane of most other's in her generation of actors, but somehow, she is now a star, and never in the 110 odd mins do I forget that. None of us can really look at her and think of Vidya Bagchi, we look and see Vidya Balan. I feel over sensitized to her arched eyebrows, glimpsing a little of The Dirty Picture.


I sat down to not review the movie. So, here is what I actually wanted to talk about.

Satyaki 'Rana' SInha, mind blowing performance as the guy next door [ which is an achievement in itself, movie after movie to be that guy next door] fresh recruit to the Kolkata Police, wanting to do the right thing, afraid for his own job, hard working, trying to be honest, caught in the middle of the kaahani of Vidya Bagchi & Kolkata. He had third most screen time in this movie after Vidya and Kolkata. So, there he stands fiddling with the PC which he can't use too well, he stares at the woman in front of the Police station, he looks away when shouted at, he tries but fails to stand up to a superior in rank, feels amorous towards this woman who doesn't seem to notice him, thinks about her on his journey home and makes an exception of receiving a call from home. He mumbles everytime he does something unlike himself, he runs, pants, falls, throws clumsy punches, falls down, throws garbage at the attacker, he is not the hero, he is not the clever intelligent guy, he is not the hot guy, he is definitely not the cool casual guy. He is Rana and somewhere in the Kaahani you wonder was there a sub plot that could have unfolded. But that is conjecture of the romantic heart.

Parambrata Chattopadhyay, plays his character with restraint and remains "the charioteer of Arjun" like his name suggests.


What got me over the initial disappointment I felt after the great hype of the movie, is Rana because well, I have had the biggest crush on him for like ever....!!


On a serious note, my city never looked so beautiful, the camera captured everything, the grey pavement, the lighted Howrah bridge, the dark water of the Hooghly, the old buildings crumbling, the tea stall.... a city can be romanced, and this is how one should romance a city.


I think thrillers cannot be watched more than once, but Kaahani can be watched a few times over, because now that you are no longer holding your breathe to get to the end to find out the truth, you can relax and observe Rana's eyes move over the face of Vidya, or notice how he slips to "Vidya" from "Mrs. Bagchi", when he wants to do the right thing, and makes it clear that he is in this Kaahani by choice, the choice to be with her, close to her.


May be I am blinded by my crush, but once you have been awestruck by Vidya Balan and Kolkata, please do think about Rana, Bob Biswas, Mr. Das, Paltu and Rana again. They make this movie what it is. A Kaahani worth the watch many times over.

The Post Coital Smoke Analysis

So may be you are a non smoker and don't really wana read this but hang in there.

May be you are not one of those cuddle hungry folks and would rather be allowed to reach to the bedside table pick up that pack off smoke and the light. Inhale and possibly bliss of a different kind. And your no smoker partner frowns and you hesitate and donot wish to offend or create the wrong impression so, you wish for the pack of smoke hidden in your handbag.

May be you like to cuddle and may be you and your partner both like a smoke then you get to share a smoke and watch the languid smoke swirl upto the ceiling. The bonding is of a different kind. You feel it slowly opening your overwhelmed senses to the here and the now. You smile and know that even though in a few minutes it will be time to get up and leave, for this 7 odd mins you can stop worrying and let your mind wander.

May be all our movie screenings need a voice over statutory warning about smoking. May be post coital smoke is a ritual that needs to be performed to complete the journey of the senses.  

Three nights of solitude

The beginning of three

"Oh no, where is my phone?" bewildered I searched around. There it was just beside me a while ago and where was it now? Did it fall down? Then I see a flash of white and you are trying to hide it. I jump up pouncing on the hand as it deftly hides behind your back. I try to drag it out of your clench,only it has now shifted from your left to the right hand. Damn! I need to use both my hands. Left - right- left, another flash this time in my head, both my arms around you and you are grinning back at me. Blushing I mumble something and finally get hold of the handset.

Suddenly an accidental hug makes me think, there is so much power in small little actions. A smile or a hug can melt away so many negatives. So many misgivings or misunderstandings. So I lie back resting against you talking about life and all that comes to my mind not worrying if it sounds silly or banal. So I could get rats to do my bidding, I could make you smile and laugh and see those eyes light up.

Holding hands or twining fingers, nothing seems strange or complicated. For a few hours the world seems less confusing and complicated. The ghosts of past haunt a little less.Then I hear you say, "leave after 5 mins, it's only been 2 hours."


Sleepless night ...


"God, are you still awake?" What is the time, it must be past 2 am and you are still playing with your laptop. I peek through my eyelids, wondering what you are up to. I pull up the covers and sink back into dreamless sleep.Wonder where the cover cam from, I remember reading a book and then nothing. You must have put the soft duvet on me. "What is that sound? Am I dreaming about rats now?" I open my eyes to find the eerie light of the cell phone lighting the room, it's a video playing and the earphones are attached to your ears. I roll my tired eyes and close them hoping to drown out the eerie light playing in the room, It's probably past 3 am.

"Have I left the door unlocked?" I open my eyes in panic and discover I am in a unknown room, I realize in a flash my current location, but find you gone from my side, then I hear the noise again, I feel my brows wrinkle, who is it? Then you stomp into the room munching on something. As I get used to the shadows you are sitting on the bed going through packets of snacks, I almost hear my stomach growl. "it must be past 4 am not the time for midnight snacks", I drift back into my sleep trying to forget about a chocolate truffle.

"Oh god where is the Fire Exit?" I wake up in panic smelling smoke only to realize it's past 5 am and you are burning cigarettes to ash one after the other. I turn away trying not to breath in the acrid fumes.

"Aww sleeping like a baby." It's 6 am I think and finally the lights, sounds and fumes are gone there is a buzz in the air, as the world wakes up and the early morning sounds fill my ears I worry, is this how all your nights are spent, tossing and turning, waking and sleeping, in fit full sleeplessness. My heart sinks thinking in one hour I must rush off, I wonder whether I should have taken up the couch so that you had more space to sleep, I wonder selfishly, I can't take one more night of this, as the alarm goes off at 7 am.



" Sleep now, sweety!"


"Good Night, I need my 8 hours of sleep, I can't sleep with light and sound."

"You fell asleep fine last night with the lights on?"

"Yeah, because I was dead from fatigue."

"Don't worry today I am taking the couch so you can sleep peacefully."

"What on earth gave you that idea? Sometimes you come up with the oddest thing! Don't worry tonight I will sleep."

"What do you mean you will sleep!!?" I closed my eyes and surrendered my tired mind and body to the soft mattress and softer quilt, slowly drifting into sleep. "Dreaming am I?" Can't be because you are looking at me and smiling. You look so cute when you smile. What am I thinking? I think you should sleep. '"Sleep now." You are telling me to sleep? My eyes widen at the realization that we are talking in bed. This isn't a day dream this is happening. You put your arms around me and I snuggle up to you just like I love. I want to talk to you. I want to ask you what does this mean? I don't want to talk I just want to melt into your arms.

You are again awake, I can't help feel the need to do something. I reach out stroking your hair hoping may be you can fall asleep. I feel you relax a little. The sleep seems to catching up with me, my hand feels heavy and sluggishly I try to keep it moving. I drift in and out of sleep. Everytime I feel sleep enfolding me, you move, make a sound, I snap put of my dreamlike state, "sleep now" I repeat for the the hundredth time and reach out to soothe you. I don't know why I think as long as I let my hand rest on you sleep surrounds us. When I turn away from you in sleep, I find your hand finding my hand and I let you hold my hand yet again letting sleep wash over me.


Wake up - The morning after.

It's 7 am I am ready to leave, my heart breaks to wake you up. I wish I had called a cab. I sit there letting the minutes tick down watching you sleep. I smile remembering the Edward Cullen joke, which says who are the people who watch others sleep, in the exalted list of pedophiles, Vampires I wondered where I featured.

The world whizzes past as I sit back and hope I miss the connection so I can sit back and watch you sleep, even at the cost off seeming like a ghost to you. The speedometer flickers at 100 kmph and I feel strangely peaceful. It's not about the connection, getting it or staying back, those thoughts are slowly draining out of me, I steal a look at your face and find your brows streaked by a few lines, they are never there. You are worried. Yet I know there's nothing to worry.

The choices of food, movies, the softest duvet covering me when I fell asleep, every little thing flashes in my mind's eye. I let the confusion melt and know for sure, I need you to know that I care about you and 'like' like you. Although your self opinion about being a 'certain body part' sometimes gains ground, I know it that your ability to distinguish between 'right' and 'fundamentally wrong', takes you beyond the ordinary person to a principled and good human being.

I want to hug you before I leave but I don't because I don't feel like saying bye, I know I will meet you again and I will wait for the time to hug you. I want to say "you have been such a darling but only type, Thank you for everything". I miss you already and I can't help think,'I can't get you out of my mind.' Now to wait for a new night of solitude.Now to lose the confusion of if or why, to come to a realization of yes or definitely.

Life is -- Fair or unfair?

Scene 1: As his voice rose, she found her tears wetting the front of her shirt, she wondered why she was crying. She knew she was ill and needed to rest, instead she was talking to him. He who probably likes her. He who probably doesn't love her. He who probably never will. She stopped crying. She wanted to tell him that she loved him. But just when she wanted to she realized all she wanted was peace. Even if it meant being alone.Life was unfair, all she wanted was to be loved yet all she got was advice on what was right and wrong.

Scene 2: Years have gone by and still whenever she looks him, she can'e help smiling. Yes, he makes me smile. She blushes the moment the thought comes to her. But today she smiles for a different. As she stands under the warm shower she wonders how this came to be that the one guy she has had the biggest crush on was with her and all that she was so afraid to imagine are a reality now. May be his touch still lingered, may be his face still flashed across her mind. She wondered whether life is not unfair. May be it gave you something only when you would be able to appreciate it.

Scene 3: She was tired, she picked up her phone to leave a text to cancel, but this dinner date was decided weeks back. She didn't want to cancel. As the car drove up she hoped it would be short. She opened the door and sat. They chatted and drove to the restaurant. She stared at the exquisite interior of the car, and she thought to herself.wow, how come I never noticed his car before. The dinner was fantastic, the conversation even better. On her way back she wondered, how come she never noticed the cute guy for such a lot of time. Man, she should have noticed, she browsed his myspace profile a few times and wondered how she never noticed how interesting he looked, just the right cute and sexy, hot and oh what not. Damn, she thought, life was unfair that she should not be able to see the one hot guy right next to her for all these year.

The NEW YEAR post

What did you do on New Year's Eve?

Did you party hard with your friends, or freaked out at a crazy new year event in some five star Hotel, or spent a quiet evening with your loved one's, or enjoyed a long drive to the nearest resort to relax? However, you may have spent your evening it was a new morning the next day. What is really different about New year day? You wake up like everyday and it is really a continuation of your life. So, why is it that almost all of us feel differently about this one day which has no special property which can be qualitatively or quantitatively analysed.

It is all in our mind. Our mind is the center of all that is real or imaginary. You can convince yourself with all the logic and rationale that new year's day is no different from any other day yet, you feel it in your bones that it is different. It is our mind playing tricks on us.

So this year on 31st and 1st I did not open my book of accounts and take stock of my life in 2011. Not that there isn't much to take stock off. In fact, there are quite a few assets to file and liabilities to throw away. But like the lazy bones that I am I kept it for a later date.

I am no habitual procrastinator but sometimes I behave like one especially when it comes to cleaning up my life.

Every year I try and figure out a new way to look back at the year gone past, this year I thought I will list out my many realizations, some mundane and trivial, others deeply meaningful philosophical mysteries.

1. Some people don't understand me. Just simply don't understand me. Nothing metaphorical about it. I talk too fast hence they miss out my words.
2. I don't understand some things. Especially when I am not really listening. I laugh like Mrs. Forman of That 70's Show when I can't understand something.
3. People think I want to give my opinion about whatever they are planning to do. When sometimes I really want to say, " it's your damn money, honey. do whatever you want to with it."
4. I am not opinionated. I thought I was till I discovered there are some things like Cricket without Rahul Dravid or movies like Dabangg that I feel nothing for. Not even the slightest twinge of desire to comment.
5. Most people believe I am impatient. Mostly because I tell them. They think I am getting bored, which they are right in deducing but bored and impatient are not related. I am positive in can also be proven scientifically. But I don't have the patience to research all that.
6. I have more patience. I can actually sit through a rambling story telling of the worse kind without flinching. I think this stems from attending H.R. classes where I was the only student in the room or listening to candidates go on and on about their stupid and sad achievements in life for eg: representative of school in various prestigious school level events. I refrain from saying, "you twerp I don't want you to represent my company in any event, how about telling me whether you can convince an Eskimo to buy a freezer."
7. .Everyone thinks I am the most loved person and center of attention wherever I go.
8. I know everyone loves me, eventually.
9. People consider me to be high maintenance and a bit of a snob. One person thinks I am fancy because I match the nail color on my fingers and toes.
10. I know I have peculiar tastes, I am not so brand conscious and actually quiet dislike being gifted things I cannot afford myself. Oh probably that makes me a twisted ego maniac or not.
11. Some people think I am silly, stupid, idiotic, plain dumb.
12. I love being stupid and dumb, it's so much fun to see people make a fool of themselves trying to show off their intellectualism when quoting Keats, Archimedes, Newton and the lot.

I think that's about a dozen things I have come to terms with about myself and people who I do adore and love.

So here's to one more year of self discovery and making less people sad with my rudeness [so called], and more people smile with my silly antics.

And what has to be repeated all the time, every time, love you folks who make my life nothing short of a F*ing musical extravaganza ....!! <3 

It's Amazing how you speak right to my heart

It is amazing that someone remembered the prayer lead of the third grade & that thought was enough once but the heart is a wild creature that wants what it can't have because sometimes we are merely nothing more than a habit, passing fancy or the recipient of a consolation prize gift wrapped with a for my friend tag !!


That is just not good enough. It was never good enough, still isn't and if that means having one less friend then that's how life is. Life's a Bitch! 


Just Good Friends is no longer good enough!


The third grade prayer lead is no longer in two pony tails and a school uniform.


Two people have one moment when they can catch fire or ...


May be that was a moment missed. 


There was hope of growth yet all things are stagnant now. There is hardly any air left in the Room to breath. 


There is so much that could have been. There is so much that can be.


Yet, with no words exchanged there is no future. There is no you. There is no me. We don't talk no more. 


But it still is amazing that the 7year old boy remembered the girl who sang the National Anthem in the school prayer. 


Would have been a perfect story had the boy and the girl done something amazing together. But that's another chapter of an unwritten book.

It's just the alcohol talking

There could have been a more appropriate title to this post, but this is as good as it gets. What they don't tell you while growing up is that you shouldn't let your imagination run wild. They tell you to use your imagination and let your creativity flow. So, there is no harm in day dreaming. All children day dream in their childhood, some even have imaginary friends. They talk to them as if they were real. None of the adults find it strange. It is an acceptable behavior. No one challenges their sanity.

But can an adult do the same? Can you and I have imaginary friends? Can we at least talk to real people and have imaginary conversations?

Some of you may be already wondering where is this discussion going?

To be frank this has its root in a TV series about a Psychologist and a Therapist. The different cases she deals with are quite frankly eerily familiar. Some of the behaviors exhibited by her patients has such a familiar feeling. It just made we wonder, what is the line between sanity and insanity? Who defines sanity? How do we define sanity?

We don't define Sanity. We can only define what the deviations are from Sanity. Doesn't this make it completely prudish and dictated by social, communal, racial boundaries? What is perhaps acceptable in one culture may completely ridiculous in another.

But cultural diversity is not under discussion here. This is really more about the individual.

Can depression manifest itself in physical illness? The mind is such a powerful object. I am sometimes in awe and fear of it. It can let you take leaps of imagination, flights of fantasy and even turn on itself and self destruct.

You could for instance pick up a bottle of RUM and try to become an alcoholic just to see whether one addiction can release you from another obsession. Does that make you a psychologically handicapped person?

You could also for the sake of argument have imaginary conversation and spent days with an individual, sharing thoughts and laughter, all right inside your mind. Do this for a prolonged period, and all of it starts seeming so real, you almost turn side ways to talk to them aloud. If you do that you would be a very good choice for a visit to the Shrink. If you don't, you just remain in your delusion till you actually meet the imaginary person, and realize that the dream world does not transcend into the physical world around you. How is it that an outwardly normal [sic] person can go about life without anyone suspecting the obsessive nature of the individual? How every little possession is hoarded into boxes, and plastic wraps?

May be mental illness need not be so uncommon. May be we are all a little dented in the head and have some wiring gone wrong.

May be it is not necessary to like and love the same person, may be it is okay to want two different people at the same time. May be life is not always about two choices. May be life doesn't need to be divided between Normal and Abnormal, acceptable and unacceptable.

The Prince and the girl with a Purple scarf

Once upon a time there was a prince who lived in his Kingdom up in the Northern Mountains. He went on a travels across the Great River to the Eastern Kingdom of the Rising Sun. There he rested in his Uncle's home for a few days before he made his return journey back to his Chilly City. One day he went to fish by the river near his Uncle's home. As he sat with the bait and tackle, he heard someone sobbing. He left his bait and tackle on the river bank and followed the sound to a big tree, where he found a girl sitting and crying. He asked her why was she crying, she was startled to see him and tried to run away. He called after her and introduced himself. She sat down again and told him that there was a merchant who had loaned her money and now wanted it back, she could not afford to give it back as she didn't have the required amount. The prince offered to pay off the merchant, she refused to accept the offer. He insisted that he would be only helping her and she should accept. She said she would have to think about it. She had a black Pony and she left on in. He wondered why she didn't have a proper horse, he found the Pony to be ridiculously slow and a silly beast to be kept.
The prince went back to fishing wondering what was there for someone to think about this offer. It was a fair offer. He waited for her to meet him and accept the offer. But she did not come. One day during a dinner in his honor at his uncle's home, he saw her again. He approached her and she spoke to him but did not mention anything about their previous meeting.

He thought may be her problems had been resolved. That night, before she left, she hesitantly asked him whether he was still willing to help her. He smiled and told her that it was a smart choice she was making. As she waited for her pony to be brought from the stables, he could not help but mention it to her why she did not invest in a horse which was faster and much smarter than this ghastly little beast. She smiled and said that she loved her pony and she wouldn't exchange it for any horse. Next day he arranged for the payment to be made on her behalf to the merchant.

Time passed by and the prince went on a small excursion to the near by towns, when he returned he was pleasantly surprised to find the girl waiting for him. He greeted her with a broad smile just like old friends. He realized that he had come to think of her as a friend. So it came to be that the Prince became a friend to this girl.But he could never understand why she kept that pony, infact, one day he even suggested that he would buy her a new horse, if she wanted. She declined to accept the offer. He made fun of her every time he saw her with her pony and asked her whether she'd like to race with a Donkey and she who lost.She smiled and said she loved her pony.

Months had gone past and it was almost nearing the time for the prince to depart for his kingdom, the girl came to him one day with all the money he had offered her. She told him that although she was returning him all the money yet she may require some of it at a later date. He didn't even think twice before agreeing. She was his friend.

The prince was now back in his kingdom, he seldom talked to his friend. But one day she sent him an urgent request for some money and he immediately ensured it was made available to her.He also insisted that she buy a new horse immediately because he had heard that pony's didn't live too long. She replied back that she loved her pony and didn't want to replace it.

There was a big festival in the Eastern kingdom and the prince was a special guest for it. He arrived with grandeur and half of his court. When the girl came to meet him, he had no time for her, as he remained surrounded by well wishers and other dignitaries. She left quietly. The week long festival was almost over, when the prince on one of his ride on the river bank met her again under the same tree. She was sobbing again. He wondered what was wrong this time. When he approached her and asked her, she told him that she was sad that the prince had not met her even once. The prince felt bad for his friend and insisted that they spend the next day by the riverside and have small picnic.

The next day the prince arrived to find the girl and her pony waiting for him. He chuckled looking at the pony. They sat down for the picnic and chatted away about all that had been happening. It was a humid day and the Sun was burning down on them, he laughed at the girl pointing to her purple scarf, and wondering aloud why had she brought it along. She said that she liked the color so she thought she would wear it today. He laughed even louder and said, how come she always loved all these weird things like a pony instead of a horse, a purple scarf instead of some nice color.

At the end of the picnic the girl invited him to come to her birthday. He said he would definitely come. He asked her what gift she wanted. He really thought that it was a good opportunity for her to replace the pony. She did not smile but said that if he felt so conscious about her choice of a beast then he should probably re think his agreeing to come to her party. She wondered what other things she owns might offend his sensibility.

He thought about her words on his way back and started to get angry. He was always so nice to her and why was she so surly. What did she see in her silly pony he wondered.

On the day of the event, he reached with his friends and courtiers and gifted the girl a beautiful, expensive silk scarf which he purchased from a foreign merchant. The festivities at the girls home went on late into the night. Everyone had a lot of fun.

The next morning it was again time for the prince to return to his kingdom. He went to say goodbye to his friend. He asked her whether she liked the gift he had given her. She smiled saying that she liked it. He asked whether she tried it on. She said she had the moment she had unpacked it. It was beautiful. She was proud to own it. He laughed and told her at least she had let him replace one silly thing she owned if not her horse, after all the silk scarf was so much better than the indigenous Purple piece of cloth she pretended to love. She smiled and told him that she would never think of his gift as replacing her favorite scarf. She didn't stop loving something just because he didn't approve of it, in the same way she didn't stop loving him even though he demeaned and humiliated her every time he laughed or cracked jokes about her pony or her scarf.

The smile from the prince's face vanished when she stopped smiling and waved goodbye and closed the door of her house.

A Piece of Time

There is only so much I can do to stop thinking about this. This piece of time becomes a constant reminder for what is not mine. It was never mine, it will never be mine. Such reminders are painful. They hurt, like small thorns that pierce the superficial layer of skin, and prick but do not draw blood. I wish they drew blood. I wish it left a visible scar. But these don't. So, I smile and do not cry, my eyes sink back further, the twinkle in them dwindles, the shine wavers threatening to lapse into salty tears, I hide behind the life which keeps me just on the edge of sanity.

I try to use my senses to understand the piece of time that I have.

I hold it in my hand, feel it's gloriously silken surface. It is shiny and my reflection looks back at me. It is heavy to hold in my hand. Sometimes I grow tired of holding it. I have to take it off and keep it away so my hand can rest. It feels like a weight. I cannot describe how it feels. I can describe what it reminds me off. It makes me think of handcuffs not the playful ones, but like the shackles of remorse. It doesn't remind me of you. But it does remind me of you.

I press it agaisnt my forehead and cheeks, it is steely cold to touch, it has not warmed up even after being in contact with my skin. That makes me wonder, how this is so like you. May be you are also cold. Yes you are cold to touch physically and metaphorically. You do not warm up from being in touch with me.

I put it back on. I look at this piece of time and wonder what it will mean to me. Now I carry it with me trying to get used to it. He and I are strangers. As I write this it clatters on the edge of the key board making metallic sounds, and I look at it, I get distracted by how the black letters on the screen are reflecting eerily of its shiny surface.

I see smudges where my fingers have traced lines across the surface, I try to clean them away rubbing it against my dress.

I think may be I will get used to this. May be this is a good reminder, that you are not mine.

The Hypothetical HBD Party Story

This could be your story or mine, you could take it to be a self help guide on How not to plan a Happy Birthday Party.

First things first, do not post updates on social networking sites about anything at all which points to anyone in particular especially if you want them to like you and come to your party. If you ask me why, I can only tell you, one woman's mead is another man's poison or some such thing. Plus people think you are loony to be so excited about your own birthday. Although I would have liked my friends to have thrown me a surprise parry but then somehow no one really likes to make an effort, so even after tonnes of hint I have to plan for it myself.

Birthdays are dicey times, at least for me, I am always very excited about them, so starts the upward curve of the graph and it moves up at a fast pace, then I hit the plateau of indecisiveness, my favorite past time, what to do, who to invite, where to go, etc etc. All this snowballs into stress and I am almost ready to give up doing anything but staying at home and vegetating. Then there is my happiness's bane the ghosts of Work plague me. The pile of work gets higher and higher with every hour that passes, this is stressful, there is the stress of not getting work done on time, there is the stress of non performance, there is the whole 'I am better than this' track in the mind. Add to it the extreme sensitivity [read emotions] expecting everyone to be nice & fair and all that which Librans expect and most of the times you would probably get away with a few indiscretions but not when it is our birth month.

The build up to the day can be always messy, some of it circumstantial others my own stupidity. Could be the shock of travelling in really cheap airlines, sweating profusely, almost wondering whether the flight would be able to take off with all the passengers and the luggage. Long hot day spent counselling uncounsel-able [sic] managers and then the horror of finding travel tickets unconfirmed, rushing from the station to the airport to grab the next flight out of the weird town where a national food chain can't serve a decent Ceaser's Salad and finally back home.

Talking about indiscretions, the story cannot be fun if there are none of these silly bits of nonsense in the past few weeks before the actual date, namely building up a guest list assuming people will say No, without checking the bank account, unaware of the Group Dynamics that could arise out of these people under one roof on the birthday. Some pretty awful decisions, thankfully all the mess of the tours and travels are good excuses to snip the guest list and finally, you can have the perfect set, umm make that a set + '1'. That perfect set is what you want when you have a party, where there are enough people who know each other, some sprinkling of people who are easy to be with and get along with new people, which takes care of the focus you might have to give on them so they are not bored. A time you could spend cultivating the '1' [read cute guy/girl/friend]. Ideally 7-10 should be the numbers if you want to keep it personal. It's not a treat, where you call in all and sundry to partake in what can only be defined as sip n bite. A dinner party, the kind I like, needs to be fun, smart and warm. Okay three extremely unrelated words.

I don't like hitches, so a place where everyone get what they like, food and beverages, where people can relax and you will not be asked to keep it down because your group is raising hell, which they must if it's My party.

Regarding Group Dynamics, the seating has to be considered, straight back chairs or Sofa's etc etc, the seating arrangement, I like to leave it up to the folks, but sometimes I got to make suggestions just so that the wrong people don't get to sit beside each other. If they do, you could try to ignore their bickering and frowns hopefully by the time the party is over they would not have killed each other or worse maimed someone so you end up in a Emergency Room.

The thing about parties is that they always get stretched, with all the cacophony, chatter, laughter and little bit of food and beverages.It could be compared to a many headed animal, which can change track at any time. It is hard to concentrate with so much going on. And as a host you shouldn't try too hard, because if you do there is absolutely no doubt about the fact that you will not enjoy.

Of course some people do not have choice regarding this, they could have spent around 6 hours crying and piling up paper hand towels trying to drown the thoughts rearing up in the mind which could lead to a complete cancellation of all celebrations.The reason could be feeling absolutely forsaken and abandoned because people scold you for stuff which you think is part of your quirky charm and fair because it wasn't meant to harm anyone. Well lesson learnt, people do not necessarily find your quirkiness charming, and apparently the world agrees. But usually such things can be overcome by will power and a little bit of greed for the gifts that are almost obviously coming to the Party wrapped up in the finest Gift wrapping, I mean the wonderful company of the people I love, of course.

A warm shower, a nice dress, some hurried make up and you end up in the middle of the milling crowd, sitting down, getting the servers to figure out the AC temperature controls and what not, the smiles, the photo ops, the gifts, the cake, the late guest, the awkwardness, the chat, the smile, the food and the toasting with sparkling wine, the wrap up and you realise 3 hours have flown past with no tear drops.

Parties have a way of making you feel warm and fuzzy or may be the people, so even when you may be sad about not sitting beside your favorite person because they have perched their bottom [ read 'cute' before bottom] between two delightful couples who are too nice to ask to be allowed to sit close to each other, you cheer up, you try to smile at first but then you actually smile without the effort.

You may not had the chance to click pictures with everyone of the guest, you may not have hugged everyone for coming, or thanked them for the gifts, you may have even not stood in the corner of the terrace and stole a kiss from that '1' you like so much, who made you sad for sometime, but you have just had your birthday party and you are unexpectedly content and happy.

The warmth of the evening seeps into your soul by the time you are on your way back home, you reach out and pour your heart out. It's always a good thing to talk. I have always believed so. For the sake of argument, status updates can read like stinker mails from Bosses, and friendly scolding can sound like a verbal thrashing from the team manager for indiscipline. But a birthday is a birthday, darling, I am a sensitive creature by nature, so handle with care is all I can say.

Of course, a hand to brush away the hair falling on my face and a surprisingly gentle hug can melt away the pain and hurt, but I wouldn't mind a kiss or two to make the birthday perfect just '2 mins before the day ends'. But then I have always wanted 'Everything'.

P.S: Advice: 

1. Bring a bag for the gifts
2. Don't open the gifts the moment you receive it
3. Cards you can read 
4. Think about our orders before placing them
5. Reason for not opening the gifts -  

• Gift wrapping and tapes are a mess
• You could break something
• You could be so overwhelmed by a gift that forgetting [sthan, kal and patro] place, time and person, you may put your arms around the '1' and end up saying something stupid like I love you.

Laughathons, Gigglathons and my laughter tracks

Everyone does it, you have done it too. Laughed till your eyes watered. Laughed till you fell of the chair or Sofa. Laughed till the drink you sipped came out the wrong way. Laughed till you had tears rolling down your face.

So we sit at the local sip n bite joint and over our respective Darjeeling or Earl Greys we cackle, giggle and snort sometimes over the craziest bits of nonsense. That's my gal pal J.

We could be in a movie theater, trying to make sense of a B grade Bollywod potboiler, with me going "I can't understand why this is happening" every few minutes, so there is exasperated sniggering at our mutual state of disgust and complete lack of foresight to come and watch this particular movie. That's when Me and P get together.

Roaring guffaws and equally screeching screams when we can't get enough of bitching done about our Bosses, or colleagues, there is some mixed dialect of Oriya-hindi-bengali-english going on, and whoever is trying to overhear just gets periods of hushed whispers followed, by loud noises and two people rolling off their chairs. That's S for you.

Imagine a dark room and the middle of the night, and all you hear is muffled sniggering, choked laughter interrupted by a few whispers. You could also imagine, a very serious face and then hiding behind my own cupped pals to stop the smile.There could be a few dozen people around or no one, it could be that we are face to face or over a phone call, but hell I could try yet I fail not to smile every time we talk. Crazy ideas, really innovative abuses, mind boggling comments on each and everything within eye sight, add to it a good dose of utter embarrassment when everyone else frowns at you. That's my CF.

In all the above cases, one warning I never heed, is not to drink or eat anywhere around these people, and always end up with the drink coming out of my nose like some cheap magic trick, or chocking on food, dropping cutlery with alarming ringing sounds, spilling water, falling off the chair or bed and still laughing as I lie on my back with my feet on the bed.

Thanks for all the laughter and the smile, I am smiling thinking about all the funny things we said and did.

Warning about the link Below:

To know about the Giggle Loop is to become a part of the Giggle Loop...

Laughathons, Gigglathons and those who Do it.

"You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling"

someone once told me that after a certain age you cannot really feel the same kind of emotions about another person, which we associate with being in love, when we do fall in love for the very first time. today as i sat across a dinner table and in the passenger seat of a car i kept thinking about how i have changed over the years. i may sound disillusioned, but i am not. i just started to feel strangely bored of all the happenings. there was no subtext in my words, there was no parallel conversation in my head, i said and did what I felt like.

i didn't feel the need to hug you, nor to hold your hand when we crossed the road, the music on the car stereo had no special meaning. i wasn't shying away from touching you, i wasn't worried about saying something intelligent, entertaining or worse dumb.

as u went on gushing about other women you hardly knew, except seeing their photographs, who did not stay awake to listen to your student life's stories and events, who didn't know which may be your favorite restaurant,  who didn't know about your crazy ideas, who did not laugh with you at 2 AM, who did cry for you when you were at rock bottom, who don't think whether you have had your dinner, whose hearts don't melt everytime you smile and eyes twinkle, who don't have to change the phone wall paper everytime they meet u. i wished I wasn't the one to wake up and go to sleep with your thought.

for one tiny moment i let my mind slip just when i had slapped u mockingly a few times, for a tiny moment i wished to let my palm remain where they were for a few more seconds.

but the fact hits me now, u don't like me.

you never will.

you are just not into me.

i fought with you today and between the tears i wanted to say, "how can u do this to me, i like u so much.?" but i didn't. thank god i didn't.

i tried to look into ur eyes, only found, sarcasm, mockery, intelligence, cleverness, honesty, attitude, smartness, logic and no love. i will have no trouble looking into your eyes now, because i know there is no love for me, no feelings for me.

i owe u a lot and that's all there is to it. i owe u a lot of help, faith, belief for standing by me. i owe it to my feelings for u my new found peaceful professional life. sometimes i shudder to think had i not felt drawn to u would i hv taken the hard decision to quit and come here? i think i wouldn't have.

i didn't want to write so much.

all i wanted to say was, i know u don't love me and never will, it makes me feel so empty yet at least now i can put this upto age, where it is no longer possible to love someone with abandon anymore and not want anything.

u r right, when u say u r an eligible bachelor. come to think about it, u have got ur valuation correct, the education, the profession, everything, and i guess my worth just falls short compared to everyone else u want to be with. i just wish u wouldn't say it all the time, every time. and yes i love to color my nails with neon nail paint, wear purple sunglasses or carry animal print stoles, but that's who I AM. that does not make me a wannabe.

i have lied to, avoided, ignored friends because you obsess with them, i wanted to spent one special day with u and when it seemed impossible i hoped at least the presence of a crowd of people would make me feel better, but now, i just want to be alone.

it will probably cost me a few more friends, and some loss of face but my heart is crushed and so is my courage. i can no longer be brave.

and i am sure u will find something to mock in this too.

but it doesn't matter something inside me has just grown old.

"You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling"

Decoding the Libra Gene

It's been years since I met this chap, way back in 2002 when we were in undergraduate studies, we spoke for the first time. The years that intervene between that time and today are not of continuous communication, yet even when we meet after yet another gap of 3 years nothing seems to have changed. Yes I know that it is impossible that we are the same people who went on an impromptu trip to Pune and the outskirts during Holi, both of us bunking work with really badly made up excuses. We have changed, what hasn't is the way we interact. What hasn't changed also are those common memories of laughter, embarrassment and what not.

So on the Saptami evening when my friend returned to his home city for Pujo after 4 years it was a delight to accompany him. We walked and peeped into every pandal that was on the way, I was trigger happy with my phone camera, sometimes, actually most of the times only clicking blurry images. As usual he took the clicking a  bit more seriously and has captured all these nice shots minus the blurriness.

I was reminded of the instance in front of the Pune Fort where he climbed on top of the Wall to click the photo of the Statue. God those were crazy times!!

When we sat down on the Park Bench at the Holy ground where you always find your long lost friends - Maddox Square, no wonder our discussion veered to what is it that has brought so much happiness to us, what is it that has brought the craziest and the nicest people close to us. That's where I decoded a bit of the Libra Gene. Oh yes, you may not be one to believe in the Zodiac Signs, may even smirk at Linda Goodman, but hey, we are just discussing, no arguments here. That's how we Librans like to win an argument by the way.

1. Why on Earth do we have so many best friends? - Seriously, ask a Libra, they will rattle off atleast 3 names. Somehow, the concept of Best Friend being Singular has not really gone down well with us. Everywhere we go, for every phase of life you will find us with one BEST FRIEND. I have my share too, and in fact some of them are reading this right now.
2. Why do we have so many friends? - I know you don't understand why this should bother us. But it does bother us sometimes, you know, are we too easy as friends, apparently our demands or expectations of what a friend should be is rather flexible. So we are easy to be friends with. I think we are just lucky to have friends. Everyone seems to want to talk to us. Boy do we love talking!! We love 'yapping' the most and if it ain't with a friend it can be with an acquaintance, could be a cab driver, or the passenger in the train compartment or the guy sitting next to you on a flight.
3. Why do we seem slightly if not very Possessive about our stuff ? - you heard that right, we are by nature possessive about things, people, places etc etc... you will hear us say things like "My Friend", "My Camera",  "My locality". We don't mean to be selfish or mean we just like to know what is ours. Just so that you also know that's how we feel about you.
4. Why do we like to be hugged? - some of us don't but most Librans I know do like a warm hug, if not all the time, sometimes, especially when they are down. We actually take offence at not being hugged, ask my friend who pointed it out to me that the last time we met I didn't hug him.Hug us but with caution if we don't like you, we may say, "What the hell is wrong with you?" If we like you and you just surprised us with a Hug, we may say, "What was that For?" and smile.
5. Why do we smile? Oh well, this may seem a little weird at first but if you have spent some time with us you know what we are talking about. We smile and you have no clue why we are smiling. Well one reason is we are thinking about something else and the smile crosses our face not necessarily anything to do with what is happening. That is the simplest explanation, there are tonnes of other explanation, but we will let you find out.We can be quite the Devil.
6. Why do we seem to have all the crazy people as our friend? Well, because we probably don't judge people as much as we are made out to. We judge you yes, then we think it is unfair to judge you, so we want to be nice to you and so we like you and let you be our friend. Didn't you ever hear, "Normal is boring." Okay so all of you who are reading this post and wondering "Am I crazy?" Well, you are probably not clinically crazy, if you know what I mean but you have your craziness which we have witnessed and kept our mouth shut. Oh yes, we are pretty good at keeping secrets, we take it very seriously when we are told not to share something, and it gives us sleepless nights.

The discussion was cut short as we rushed off to dinner. But the last final conclusion I decided to draw was pretty much like all Libra discussions, seeing both sides of the argument, calling it a Discussion, finding the middle path and being agreeable.

All people make great friends, Librans or otherwise, I feel had I not been a Libra may be I wouldn't have all you nice people reading this post and leaving those nice comments. Librans like the Nice in everything. Being Nice is very important to us. Sometimes, we bend the truth a bit to remain nice, other times, we blurt out the truth for being fair. Our eternal struggle seems to be between being Nice and Fair. You cannot be both as we keep discovering.

So keep your Libra friends close, they might be pesky sometimes but they are for keeps. If you are looking for a smile you know which friend to call. You can take reference of my friends in this. I can make people smile :). Seriously!!

For one more chance

Ekbar bol tor keu neyi, keu neyi ;(

The world is such a small place, your story came back to me in someone else's words across a dinner table. How is it possible the same person I shared my pain with, has actually met you somewhere in this lifetime, and sat with you across a table shared food and drink, the same time when I knew you and you were so full of life. It was simultaneously such a relief & so much of pain to know that there are others who think about you and miss you, may be the reason such a revelation comes to me now because somewhere you know how everytime my mind is away from all the rigors of life I think of you. I sat across the dinner table and wondered and said it aloud for the first time 

• Why I really feel so guilty?
• Why I feel so angry? 
• Why can't I mourn you? 
• Why do I have to define my relationship with you before I can cry for you? 
• Why someone you loved so much can just move on and have a happy life? 
• Why must I be left to find my eyes full of tears in the middle of a conversation?
• Why must you not be here?

To say it out loud, why even a trip to the place where you stood, why dedications, why shutting out the thoughts, does not wear away the guilt, makes me realize how much I miss you. I hope you are at peace wherever you are.

It is a simple wish yet so impossible, so impractical, so silly. But I promise I will meet you everytime you call, I will never call you shallow, I will never stop talking to you, just come back to me somehow, in this lifetime or the next, just let me make up for everything, just let me be honest with you once and fulfill those little dreams you shared. Let me be a better friend than I was "Rghy", your PRC misses you still, every time the smell of new books or old floats in the air, when Mohonbagan and East Bengal matches are played, passes your favorite restaurant  and there is no one who understands that.