My Spirit Uplifters

There's always something that will cheer you up when your down, and there's nothing worse than being ill and in bed.. so here was Anakin skywalker aka hayden

who cheered me for the first half of the week where I dragged myself to my job and its not so glorious tasks, the rest of the week saw FRIENDS

helping me keep my chin up as I lay in bed sadly awake, wanting to sleep, but waking up every 10 mins....

All in all fruitful week of doing nothing and on leave for no reason at all.... oh dear me! I do miss working for Govt Org where i would have Sick Leaves n then Causal leaves and a variety of other leaves....

Strange Life..

Oh ya! I said it, didn't I? That's the most obvious cliched comment i could have made about life and here I have made it.

The Reason behind it has been a culmination of one thought. Yes, one thought of the many that germinate in my fertile mind and die untimely death because of my my job's extreme nerve racking senseless mindless .. I lost track of what I wanted to say.

Anyway, thing is off late in the midst of the sucky job, no Bf scenario was pondering and remembering all those nice fellows that cam and went, some fell away in life's journey. We all go through life meeting a variety of people, I for one have been very lucky to have met some of the most interesting people in my life. The span of time I refer to is 2 years probably 18 to 20 years. Well that time seems so long gone. So, in the ripe old age of 25 I decide to make a PL statement, [Profit/Loss], seemed to me I have not been very nice to tonnes of people, who were very good to me. We are sometimes blinded by some images that drive us, taking control of our thoughts and our capacity to feel for others. In these moments we destroy some of the best relations we may have found. It is like starting to finally get the hang of swimming or some such thing and then simply giving into the panic and come out of it screaming.That is a terrible metaphor.

However, the idea is, when one does realise with a hindsight, that's Foresight with no where to go, that one's pretty messed up and has actually let go of so many good people who could have been the mythical creature, THE ONE, one sinks into a deep depression. Then comes the bolt from the blue, in walks an old flame, the could have been, and funnily enough says all the right things about what a terrible mistake they have made in not having taken things seriously, the whole really good script from your average daily soap opera. And then in the middle of the confession you realise that all the ass wants is to find a silly reason to cheat on his wife and his 2 yr old kid, and the reason apparently is you. How self satisfying this makes one feel doesn't it?

From the person who wanted to be every body's friend suddenly your role seems to be veering off the cliff into the abyss.

Then of course you realise this was some one's trick to show you a sign and prove it to you that what ever happened in your life was for the best, the choices you made have had the right reasons, may not have been visible then, but most certainly they have saved you from something worse.

I can't imagine what a life it would be had I ended up with this particular scumbag, one is pulled towards defending oneself with the Ostrich like thought that being with me would have prevented the sad fall the poor fellow's had, but who am I kidding, one learns in life that if a person is capable of doing something indecent, immoral once, that person is quite capable of doing it twice, and mind you he may vouch for his changed self, however, the Aesop's fable moral rings out loud and clear. "Habits [loosely translated from "Shabhab"] never change even if your dead."

But like always I learn my lesson without too much damage to myself, Steer clear of self - pity and definitely of old flames coz, old they might be but they sure have the capacity to singe you.

And you did good to have dumped them when you did, vice versa of course.

Almost Dead

I am suffering terribly in the Summer Heat, it's taken its toll on my health. I am suceptible to bouts of cough and cold with every season change, so that's a fixed appointment with the doctor every 6 months.

This time I have suffered too much, beginning from last week my cursed job took me on errands across the city in the blinding HEAT. No mercy shown to me by my Boss. He is off the opinion that the harder you push your team the better they will perform. I reiterate everyday at work that if any of us were to die, he would be majorly pissed with our wrong timing, and we would have to return to work as his Ghost Team...

Not funny at all.

After 4 straight days in bed, I have managed to regain some strength mostly because of very high doeses of anibiotic and Guava, eggs and other nurishments.

I had the opportunity to browse through some celebrity blogs. out of all of them the only serious blogger seems to be Mr. Bachchan.

That I think speaks volumes about him as a person. After all with the kind of hectic life he leads if he can find time to blog, I feel terribly depressed thinking that I hardly ever feel the need to write.

My Paper journal also lies empty, perhaps I don't have any new experiences to talk about or may be it is how we look at things in everyday life that make something memorable or mundane.

Hopefully I will survive this illness and be back on my feet soon.

WORKING WITH IDIOTS CAN KILL YOU!

Idiots in office are as hazardous to your health as cigarettes, caffeine, or greasy food, an eye opening new study reveals.

In fact, these dopes can kill you! Stress is one of the top causes of heart attacks - and working with stupid people on a daily basis is one of the deadliest forms of stress, according to the researchers of Sweden's Lindbergh University Medical Centre.

Question what's being told

It is not in our nature to accept the norms of the society. We all
start out as rebels but then the influences change us, moulding our
thoughts, our beliefs and finally us.
Does having maturity consist of abandoning one's mind?
Do we have to abandon one's value to find security?
Does practicality consist of losing ur self respect?
We are here to do something of value and that's the dream to follow.
Don't let anyone make u settle for anything less than what u feel u
deserve. No one can decide for u what u deserve. Neithies ur parents
or ur friends can tell u what ur worthy of and not. So don't settle
for the deal everyone offers u to quit ur dreams. Don't quit wanting.
If people gave up so easy don't u think humanity would not have come
this far. Why are v bettering things, why do v want faster computers,
why do we want better utilization of Earth's resources? Because we
want to better things for ourself. Begin at the self n u will touch
the hotel. U can't start by being the saint. U must want it urself
more than u want anything else. Once u achieve it then u can go out
and share it with the world. There is so much u have to achieve and ur
giving up on ur dream can cost us all. It will cost u the most.
So, don't ever give up that fire inside and settle for the deal life
is waiting to cut u.

Writing

Agatha Christie says that its important to be able to write within a

certain word limit. If ur writing a detective story u can't make it of

the length of a short story. The reader then will cheated having paid

a certain amount of money to buy it.

I have never been good at keeping within limits to write anything. I

find it stifling. Ofcourse she does tell one to go ahead an write

whatever one feels like if one is only interested in writing for its

own sake and not in seeing ones works published. It is a choice one

has to make. May be that is the reason i don't write. Well its not

like i don't want to be published. Its just that i haven't written

anything worthwhile as yet. I'm too immature a writer. I'm most

certainly far from being a professional. There that's an honest

confession.

In the course of writing this post i have had a strange experience. I

failed to save the first. Then the second. However i've hammered on.

Only difference is i have writtiem something absolutely different from

what i had set out to write. Proves how difficult it is to get the

perfect result.

Clearly there is more to writing than just knowing ur words or reading

tonnes of books. In her autobiography she doesn't really discuss her

creative process which is what attracts of to authors autobiographies

in the first place but very rarely would u find one of them writin

about their inner thoughts. May be cause they don't want to tell or

way be it's something that can't be told.

There is always a good deal of speculation about whether we can aspire

to become writers or is it like other artistic things a natural talent

that might skip ur genome. But in the modern world Christie wouldn't

have had much trouble writing or finding a fan following what with all

the blogging. May that's the reason there are so many new writers

attempting to write so many new books and so many new stories being

told. Because all of us have some story to tell don't we?

-- 

Sent from my mobile device

PRC

Agatha Christie An Autobiography.

Agatha Christie has been my favorite detective story writer, honestly
the best writer i have come across, ever since i started reading her
stories. My initiation to her began with Poirot. The stories told to
me by my grandmother. Shocking! Yes, she read her books and well she
couldn't choose between Poirot and Holmes. But i digress. Soon i
started reading the old paperbacks of my grandmother and i fell in
love with Agatha Christie. I never really took a liking for Holmes who
i had read earlier perhaps because he came across as too hard or
tough, simply put he seemed to lack the humour. Worse he always
figured everything out in his head during his brooding and never let
any clue slip. I like Poirot cause i could as well play detective
along with him trying to solve the mystery. As i went from school to
college i read through book after book of Christie trying to go
through all her works. I ransacked my school library the BCL and who
ever happened to have a copy. I owned very few tattered old
paperbacks. I was never motivated to buy any books of her mainly as
they cost so much in those days. I read up quite a bit on her over the
internet. I was very much eager to watch the long running play
mousetrap. Once i started working i had my own money to spend and so
bought a choicest selection. A book containing her plays. I loved
reading them. And i most certainly still harbour the dream of watching
a theatrical production. Somehow in all this the writer or her talent
had taken the back seat to reading up and solving each of the
mysteries she wrote. I chanced upon her autobiography. It was a
revealation. No wonder she won so much accolade. No wonder she's
enjoyed by everyone from my grandmother, my parents, and now me. She's
timeless. When as a literature student ur made to read the classics
timeless tales of humanity you don't realise the actual reason for
their timelessness. It's not their closeness to human life but the
beautiful story telling that sets them apart from everything else.
Reading her story of her life there is so much to least even today.
She had seen the two wars of which we have only read but her thoughts
on life although stemming from private sentiments are timeless and
lead u to contemplate life. It would too fantastic to say that i
almost feel agreeing to so many things she says as if they were part
of my own life. But to be honest, as she suggests something changed
while reading her. It hasn't brought a change in my thoughts or the
way i'm living but yes most certainly there is some change. Here is
something she writes so beautifully.
"Life seems to of to consist of three parts: the absorbing and usually
enjoyable present which rushes on from minute to minute with fatal
speed; the future, dim and uncertain, for which one can make any
number of interesting plans, the wilder and more improbable the
better, since- as nothing will turn out as you expect it to do- you
might as well have the fun of planning anyway; and thirdly, the past,
the memories and realities that are the bedrock of one's present life,
brought back suddenly by a scent,the share of a hill, an old song-
some triviality that makes one suddenly say I remember .. .. With a
peculiar and quite unexplainable pleasure." #END

--
Sent from my mobile device

PRC

Blogging on the go

The urge to offload whats on our mind sometimes takes us over with
suprise and we find ourselves searching frantically for some form of
release. I'm on a mini vacation and in the midst of a powercut my
brain was on fever to be able to write or do something. Away from
office and the hectic schedule of a city its so difficult to find
something to do. I think we are completely spoiled by this rat race.
We never know what to do when we are left alone with our thoughts. We
find ourselves trying to run away from what is obviously our mind
peering into corners which we'd rather not venture into. Yes we do try
and avoid issues don't we? We are made to believe that unresolved and
painful things should be locked away in such places where we don't
remember them. But truth be told we often find ourselves confronting
those same things on our journey through our mind. Then we are shocked
and bewildered to find their potency to still hurt us.
So in order to meet the need to vent my thoughts i went about trying
to log into my blogger account. But in vain. So finally i searched the
good old Mr.GOOGLE. And he gave me the answer to my queries. Mail ur
blog he said. And so here i'm mailing to my blog. I hope to continue
putting in some words on my whereabouts, in the spaces of my mind.#

--
Sent from my mobile device

PRC

There is always a newer way

We began with blogs, then with IM's, then came Orkut, Facebook, twitter, we keep trying to find better ways of commuicating with the nameless and faceless crowd that sits in front of their Square screen and clicks with their hand held device to scroll across this web.

Why are we so obssessed with communicating with others?

May be becoz we want our voices to be heard about stuff we like to speak about and think about that we don't discuss with our friends.

 

We are impatient and want newer people to read what we write and comment on what we write it gives us a satisfaction that what we write makes some ripples in the otherwise stagnant waters of our surrounding.

 

Here's to Blogging!! and all other forms of venting our thoughts that crowd our mind.

IPL - in all its glory

IPL had taken India by storm last year, this year the storm is not even a strong gale having moved to S. Africa. It's tough to rationalize the concept of an Indian Premier League being comepltely played on another continent altogether.

I wouldm't say I haven't been touched by the frenzy, more so when it gave opportunity to visit EDEN Garden and cheer the teams with my friends it was always such a welcome break from the monotony of life that one tends to get into.

However, we are back to square one with the IPL's shifted to S.Africa.

The only bit of masala currently is the Fake IPL player blog on Blogspot which by last record had more than 2700 followers. It is an interesting piece of writing, obviously the writer is fairly talented, even better apparently from calcutta, but somehow my opinion poll with all those I know about his true identity remains a mystery.

Some are feeling rather excited about finally being able to get the long held secrets behind those closed dressing rooms and gaurded hotel corridors. But still it remains to be seen who this fake IPL player is. Is he a fake IPL player, is he player at all, is he someone famous like S.Gan, probably not although seems clever enough.

When everyone is giving their reaction I found something strangely biased in their veiws, they were all concerned about what was being written about their wonderful idols, one lady was interested in the truthfulness about the parody on B.Lee and P.Zin. Interesting stuff! not that I approve of perverse comments like some seen on his comments pages, but truly, people are hooked on the IPL Fake player blog. I am late entrant into the readership of his blog. However, I am thouroughly impressed, both on the gossip and rumour front and his writing ability.

As it ocurred to me right now, perhaps this is one of the gimmicks of Mr. S.Kha who knows all the mediums to market his product after all who can forget A.Bac and A.Kha's blogs which took the Indian Film journalists world by storm.

Who is this pseudo blogger, pseudo player .. at the IPL in the KKR team?

Is it even a HE? I Wonder, is it even 1 person or a team of content writers?

Food for thought think about it?

02/07/0911:44:05 AM

I am craving you and you have no clue. That is such a pathetic rhyme. All my life I have chased after the rainbow. This Rainbow of my dreams doesn't exist in real life. Actually it isn't even a rainbow for that matter. Rainbow is only a metaphor for the man I am searching for so long. It is not that I haven't met any nice men in my life, but somewhere in my head there is a circuit that is stuck on Best Friend for life. I seem to be searching for a friend for life to become my life partner. That is a heavy task. The expectation is huge and may not be met ever.

But like all things clinical this is something neither can I control nor change. My desires are constantly tossed and turned. It is as if everytime I meet someone and like someone, I am simply opening uo the gates for a major mind fuck. It is true, I like being tortured emotionally. Don't be under the impression that any of the people in question are even aware of the torture that is inflicted upon me. That is my own doing.

This craving for the man I happened to ignore for the better part of last 4 months is unmistakenly my way of having my mind fucked. It is ludicrous. I am sitting here at my desk tilting the screen of my monitor at an angle so that I can see his neckless head bobbing up and down behind the partitions. Why? There is no answer to that question. I am just looking for my addictive “mind fuck”. I liked him as a person with my mind having screwed itself up into a knot over the diff in age between us, and then cracking comes down the whip of fate and a new fact imerges. He is as old as me. So, am not a paedophile. How is that helpful. I have given him the impression that he is someone younger to me...

Now I cannot find a reason to come across him and simply tell him that we are the same age. How do I do that? My heart is somersaulting and I can't pullit off, the simple non chalant attitude.

I am as always fucked.

I am such a screw up that I steal photos from your phone and transfer them to my own, to see you when you are not infront. This has not helped me... I have grown more distraught. My head is totally messed up and beyond repairs.
No one can save me now. It is obvious that my life will always be this roller coaster ride of emotions. I am a fool and remain so with pride. I can never be happy because I just so fucking love to be sad and miserbale.

I see someone speaking to you and all of a sudden jealousy permeates my skin and I get angry, when you don't tell me that you are leaving early I feel upset. This is not happening to me. I try to avoid looking at you talking to oyu. I think I will stop taking the bus. But what will that achieve nothing....

You probbaly care about someone else... Would that matter anymore...
Nothing makes sense anymore...

Nothing.

May be this time I should be the un requitted lover without making my feelings public.

“DON'T LET SOMEONE BECOME A PRIORITY IN YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU'RE JUST AN OPTION IN THEIRS.”

6th Feb 2009: Looking Back

Looking back at life is like flicking through the dusty pages of a diary where you

wrote down thoughts and emotions when they were important to you. Now that you read

them, you only feel a slight sense of sadness, a touch of nostaligia, at how foolish

and naive you were. Looking back today all i can see is a life that has been lived not

with fear, nor with remorse, and definitely without perfection.

This Imperfect life had taught so many lessons and so much yet to learn, it is

beautiful to know that life survives everything, all the ups and downs, the peaks and

the valleys. It feels strangely like an out of the body experience when you look back

at a year in your life.

Here's to knowing life brings new meaning every day, there is so much more awaiting,

here's to finding the rainbow and touching the horizon.

<<>>

02/03/0904:10:17 PM

WHO?

A shadow runs just outside the line of sight. When I try to concentrate and catch a glimpse of it, it doesn't fleet, stays still. I try to guess the shape of the shadow. The shadow reminds me of someone, and I wonder if I am making a mistake. I ask myself time and again whether my mind is playing tricks on me. The answer is a resounding NO. I see you everywhere, whenever I forget to look for the shadow, I see you. It is not as if the shadow is hiding from me but it is there beside me walking with me. I know it is a surprise that you should cros my thoughts so many times. Someone who I didn't know even a few days. What does this mean? I am nt sure.

I saw yu walking past me, and I looked at you as if in a dream, it's in the middle of a working day and I stel furitive glances at your direction. You don't notice me. But everytime I walk past you I look in the general direction and I know that you have no clue that you are my shadow. I see you stand near me, lean towards me and I close my eyes not sure whether all my thoughts arereflecting on my face.

You are right there in front of me talking to someone else, I see your lips move, I see you sit and get up and I know you are my shadow.

I don't know how this has come to be and all of sudden ithout thinking your face flashes in front of my eyes even when I am not thinking of you at all.

Who are you? Tormenting me? Maing me crave?

30th January 2009 12:50:08 PM

FIRST THOUGHT

It has been a really long time since anything worth retaining has crossed my mind and found its way onto paper. Not so long ago, there was a person who loved putting down all her thoughts for the world to read. Then something happened. Whatever the name of the phenomenon, the effect was perhaps most felt on the creative side of life. What I miss most about not writing anymore is that the emotional outlet for me has been stopped, and having stopped it I was under the false impression of peace from all things sentimental. Yet one realises(and realisations are constant just like change) that having exiled my emotions to a mindspace that I no longer accessed I wasn't happy nor was I at peace. So here I am beginning once again what I had started long ago. To reinvent & re-create something that is lasting. Thoughts in any form have a way of clearing the mind from the clatter that we gather often in our everyday life. In this age of information it seems everyone and evrything is bombarding our senses with information most of which is not worth retaining. Yet we retain these things. At the cost of what? The cost is paid by creativity, empathy, emotions, feelings. Thoughts are muddled and they lead us nowher. May be writing clears my head, and so I write.

Not sad stories, nor of comic events, just what I daw, and what I felt on a day.

Today Nick got a haircut, not that I would have noticed had it not been for SV's pointing excitedly at his head. I think sometimes I over do the cold hearted bitch bit.One single compliment then I turned to wait for the sight of my transport.
Incidentally my Transport is a Bus, which is driven by such antique drivers, and that's just me being polite about their age, that yesterday one fell asleep on the way plouging into the back of a car. To add insult to injury, he produced a stick with which he beat the driver of the car attempting to stop him from fleeing the accident scene. The laughter tis incident generated was a good change from the usual drudgery of work.