Not a Kaahani Review

If you have watched the movie you cannot talk about the twist and ruin it for others. You can only post generic comments about the actor Vidya Balan and wax eloquent about the city - Kolkata. I read all the fb posts of my friends and their friends and grew frustrated not having seen it. I wish everyone who had watched it before did not take the 'spoiler alert' too seriously and told me the twist at the end, the waiting for the twist is always interesting but is also nerve wrecking. I am also glad no one told me, because I had my own theory forming when the last 15 mins ripped its thread and shocked me. It was not a twist for twist's sake like an Abbas Mastaan thriller, it was a well formulated twist, which once revealed took you back to the really subtle hints left through out the 100 mins preceding it.


But I am also not shying away from admitting that the build up to this movie left me slightly disappointed. Team Kaahani is not to blame, it is the nature of human expectations.


Team Kaahani, with director Sujoy Ghose is full of Bengalis, set in Kolkata there are only a handful of characters which are played by other actors. So it's a huge boost of , umm can I hazard saying, Ego? Each of the actors who I see in crazy slap stick comedies or adaptation of Ray classic or in the daily soap playing on some Bengali channel shook my pseudo intellectual upturned nose and eye roll, they were good, they were not actors, they were characters, they were the manager of the guest house, they were the officer at the police station, they were the amayik bangali bhadralok who always began with "namoshkar" and ended with a gesture to God.

I have already said too much.


There will be pages written about Vidya who out does herself in each role she picks up, she looks the same, she does not need to change the way she looks drastically all she simply adds is may be a cloak or a loosely done hair, she does not have the limited expressions that is bane of most other's in her generation of actors, but somehow, she is now a star, and never in the 110 odd mins do I forget that. None of us can really look at her and think of Vidya Bagchi, we look and see Vidya Balan. I feel over sensitized to her arched eyebrows, glimpsing a little of The Dirty Picture.


I sat down to not review the movie. So, here is what I actually wanted to talk about.

Satyaki 'Rana' SInha, mind blowing performance as the guy next door [ which is an achievement in itself, movie after movie to be that guy next door] fresh recruit to the Kolkata Police, wanting to do the right thing, afraid for his own job, hard working, trying to be honest, caught in the middle of the kaahani of Vidya Bagchi & Kolkata. He had third most screen time in this movie after Vidya and Kolkata. So, there he stands fiddling with the PC which he can't use too well, he stares at the woman in front of the Police station, he looks away when shouted at, he tries but fails to stand up to a superior in rank, feels amorous towards this woman who doesn't seem to notice him, thinks about her on his journey home and makes an exception of receiving a call from home. He mumbles everytime he does something unlike himself, he runs, pants, falls, throws clumsy punches, falls down, throws garbage at the attacker, he is not the hero, he is not the clever intelligent guy, he is not the hot guy, he is definitely not the cool casual guy. He is Rana and somewhere in the Kaahani you wonder was there a sub plot that could have unfolded. But that is conjecture of the romantic heart.

Parambrata Chattopadhyay, plays his character with restraint and remains "the charioteer of Arjun" like his name suggests.


What got me over the initial disappointment I felt after the great hype of the movie, is Rana because well, I have had the biggest crush on him for like ever....!!


On a serious note, my city never looked so beautiful, the camera captured everything, the grey pavement, the lighted Howrah bridge, the dark water of the Hooghly, the old buildings crumbling, the tea stall.... a city can be romanced, and this is how one should romance a city.


I think thrillers cannot be watched more than once, but Kaahani can be watched a few times over, because now that you are no longer holding your breathe to get to the end to find out the truth, you can relax and observe Rana's eyes move over the face of Vidya, or notice how he slips to "Vidya" from "Mrs. Bagchi", when he wants to do the right thing, and makes it clear that he is in this Kaahani by choice, the choice to be with her, close to her.


May be I am blinded by my crush, but once you have been awestruck by Vidya Balan and Kolkata, please do think about Rana, Bob Biswas, Mr. Das, Paltu and Rana again. They make this movie what it is. A Kaahani worth the watch many times over.

The Post Coital Smoke Analysis

So may be you are a non smoker and don't really wana read this but hang in there.

May be you are not one of those cuddle hungry folks and would rather be allowed to reach to the bedside table pick up that pack off smoke and the light. Inhale and possibly bliss of a different kind. And your no smoker partner frowns and you hesitate and donot wish to offend or create the wrong impression so, you wish for the pack of smoke hidden in your handbag.

May be you like to cuddle and may be you and your partner both like a smoke then you get to share a smoke and watch the languid smoke swirl upto the ceiling. The bonding is of a different kind. You feel it slowly opening your overwhelmed senses to the here and the now. You smile and know that even though in a few minutes it will be time to get up and leave, for this 7 odd mins you can stop worrying and let your mind wander.

May be all our movie screenings need a voice over statutory warning about smoking. May be post coital smoke is a ritual that needs to be performed to complete the journey of the senses.  

Three nights of solitude

The beginning of three

"Oh no, where is my phone?" bewildered I searched around. There it was just beside me a while ago and where was it now? Did it fall down? Then I see a flash of white and you are trying to hide it. I jump up pouncing on the hand as it deftly hides behind your back. I try to drag it out of your clench,only it has now shifted from your left to the right hand. Damn! I need to use both my hands. Left - right- left, another flash this time in my head, both my arms around you and you are grinning back at me. Blushing I mumble something and finally get hold of the handset.

Suddenly an accidental hug makes me think, there is so much power in small little actions. A smile or a hug can melt away so many negatives. So many misgivings or misunderstandings. So I lie back resting against you talking about life and all that comes to my mind not worrying if it sounds silly or banal. So I could get rats to do my bidding, I could make you smile and laugh and see those eyes light up.

Holding hands or twining fingers, nothing seems strange or complicated. For a few hours the world seems less confusing and complicated. The ghosts of past haunt a little less.Then I hear you say, "leave after 5 mins, it's only been 2 hours."


Sleepless night ...


"God, are you still awake?" What is the time, it must be past 2 am and you are still playing with your laptop. I peek through my eyelids, wondering what you are up to. I pull up the covers and sink back into dreamless sleep.Wonder where the cover cam from, I remember reading a book and then nothing. You must have put the soft duvet on me. "What is that sound? Am I dreaming about rats now?" I open my eyes to find the eerie light of the cell phone lighting the room, it's a video playing and the earphones are attached to your ears. I roll my tired eyes and close them hoping to drown out the eerie light playing in the room, It's probably past 3 am.

"Have I left the door unlocked?" I open my eyes in panic and discover I am in a unknown room, I realize in a flash my current location, but find you gone from my side, then I hear the noise again, I feel my brows wrinkle, who is it? Then you stomp into the room munching on something. As I get used to the shadows you are sitting on the bed going through packets of snacks, I almost hear my stomach growl. "it must be past 4 am not the time for midnight snacks", I drift back into my sleep trying to forget about a chocolate truffle.

"Oh god where is the Fire Exit?" I wake up in panic smelling smoke only to realize it's past 5 am and you are burning cigarettes to ash one after the other. I turn away trying not to breath in the acrid fumes.

"Aww sleeping like a baby." It's 6 am I think and finally the lights, sounds and fumes are gone there is a buzz in the air, as the world wakes up and the early morning sounds fill my ears I worry, is this how all your nights are spent, tossing and turning, waking and sleeping, in fit full sleeplessness. My heart sinks thinking in one hour I must rush off, I wonder whether I should have taken up the couch so that you had more space to sleep, I wonder selfishly, I can't take one more night of this, as the alarm goes off at 7 am.



" Sleep now, sweety!"


"Good Night, I need my 8 hours of sleep, I can't sleep with light and sound."

"You fell asleep fine last night with the lights on?"

"Yeah, because I was dead from fatigue."

"Don't worry today I am taking the couch so you can sleep peacefully."

"What on earth gave you that idea? Sometimes you come up with the oddest thing! Don't worry tonight I will sleep."

"What do you mean you will sleep!!?" I closed my eyes and surrendered my tired mind and body to the soft mattress and softer quilt, slowly drifting into sleep. "Dreaming am I?" Can't be because you are looking at me and smiling. You look so cute when you smile. What am I thinking? I think you should sleep. '"Sleep now." You are telling me to sleep? My eyes widen at the realization that we are talking in bed. This isn't a day dream this is happening. You put your arms around me and I snuggle up to you just like I love. I want to talk to you. I want to ask you what does this mean? I don't want to talk I just want to melt into your arms.

You are again awake, I can't help feel the need to do something. I reach out stroking your hair hoping may be you can fall asleep. I feel you relax a little. The sleep seems to catching up with me, my hand feels heavy and sluggishly I try to keep it moving. I drift in and out of sleep. Everytime I feel sleep enfolding me, you move, make a sound, I snap put of my dreamlike state, "sleep now" I repeat for the the hundredth time and reach out to soothe you. I don't know why I think as long as I let my hand rest on you sleep surrounds us. When I turn away from you in sleep, I find your hand finding my hand and I let you hold my hand yet again letting sleep wash over me.


Wake up - The morning after.

It's 7 am I am ready to leave, my heart breaks to wake you up. I wish I had called a cab. I sit there letting the minutes tick down watching you sleep. I smile remembering the Edward Cullen joke, which says who are the people who watch others sleep, in the exalted list of pedophiles, Vampires I wondered where I featured.

The world whizzes past as I sit back and hope I miss the connection so I can sit back and watch you sleep, even at the cost off seeming like a ghost to you. The speedometer flickers at 100 kmph and I feel strangely peaceful. It's not about the connection, getting it or staying back, those thoughts are slowly draining out of me, I steal a look at your face and find your brows streaked by a few lines, they are never there. You are worried. Yet I know there's nothing to worry.

The choices of food, movies, the softest duvet covering me when I fell asleep, every little thing flashes in my mind's eye. I let the confusion melt and know for sure, I need you to know that I care about you and 'like' like you. Although your self opinion about being a 'certain body part' sometimes gains ground, I know it that your ability to distinguish between 'right' and 'fundamentally wrong', takes you beyond the ordinary person to a principled and good human being.

I want to hug you before I leave but I don't because I don't feel like saying bye, I know I will meet you again and I will wait for the time to hug you. I want to say "you have been such a darling but only type, Thank you for everything". I miss you already and I can't help think,'I can't get you out of my mind.' Now to wait for a new night of solitude.Now to lose the confusion of if or why, to come to a realization of yes or definitely.

Life is -- Fair or unfair?

Scene 1: As his voice rose, she found her tears wetting the front of her shirt, she wondered why she was crying. She knew she was ill and needed to rest, instead she was talking to him. He who probably likes her. He who probably doesn't love her. He who probably never will. She stopped crying. She wanted to tell him that she loved him. But just when she wanted to she realized all she wanted was peace. Even if it meant being alone.Life was unfair, all she wanted was to be loved yet all she got was advice on what was right and wrong.

Scene 2: Years have gone by and still whenever she looks him, she can'e help smiling. Yes, he makes me smile. She blushes the moment the thought comes to her. But today she smiles for a different. As she stands under the warm shower she wonders how this came to be that the one guy she has had the biggest crush on was with her and all that she was so afraid to imagine are a reality now. May be his touch still lingered, may be his face still flashed across her mind. She wondered whether life is not unfair. May be it gave you something only when you would be able to appreciate it.

Scene 3: She was tired, she picked up her phone to leave a text to cancel, but this dinner date was decided weeks back. She didn't want to cancel. As the car drove up she hoped it would be short. She opened the door and sat. They chatted and drove to the restaurant. She stared at the exquisite interior of the car, and she thought to herself.wow, how come I never noticed his car before. The dinner was fantastic, the conversation even better. On her way back she wondered, how come she never noticed the cute guy for such a lot of time. Man, she should have noticed, she browsed his myspace profile a few times and wondered how she never noticed how interesting he looked, just the right cute and sexy, hot and oh what not. Damn, she thought, life was unfair that she should not be able to see the one hot guy right next to her for all these year.

The NEW YEAR post

What did you do on New Year's Eve?

Did you party hard with your friends, or freaked out at a crazy new year event in some five star Hotel, or spent a quiet evening with your loved one's, or enjoyed a long drive to the nearest resort to relax? However, you may have spent your evening it was a new morning the next day. What is really different about New year day? You wake up like everyday and it is really a continuation of your life. So, why is it that almost all of us feel differently about this one day which has no special property which can be qualitatively or quantitatively analysed.

It is all in our mind. Our mind is the center of all that is real or imaginary. You can convince yourself with all the logic and rationale that new year's day is no different from any other day yet, you feel it in your bones that it is different. It is our mind playing tricks on us.

So this year on 31st and 1st I did not open my book of accounts and take stock of my life in 2011. Not that there isn't much to take stock off. In fact, there are quite a few assets to file and liabilities to throw away. But like the lazy bones that I am I kept it for a later date.

I am no habitual procrastinator but sometimes I behave like one especially when it comes to cleaning up my life.

Every year I try and figure out a new way to look back at the year gone past, this year I thought I will list out my many realizations, some mundane and trivial, others deeply meaningful philosophical mysteries.

1. Some people don't understand me. Just simply don't understand me. Nothing metaphorical about it. I talk too fast hence they miss out my words.
2. I don't understand some things. Especially when I am not really listening. I laugh like Mrs. Forman of That 70's Show when I can't understand something.
3. People think I want to give my opinion about whatever they are planning to do. When sometimes I really want to say, " it's your damn money, honey. do whatever you want to with it."
4. I am not opinionated. I thought I was till I discovered there are some things like Cricket without Rahul Dravid or movies like Dabangg that I feel nothing for. Not even the slightest twinge of desire to comment.
5. Most people believe I am impatient. Mostly because I tell them. They think I am getting bored, which they are right in deducing but bored and impatient are not related. I am positive in can also be proven scientifically. But I don't have the patience to research all that.
6. I have more patience. I can actually sit through a rambling story telling of the worse kind without flinching. I think this stems from attending H.R. classes where I was the only student in the room or listening to candidates go on and on about their stupid and sad achievements in life for eg: representative of school in various prestigious school level events. I refrain from saying, "you twerp I don't want you to represent my company in any event, how about telling me whether you can convince an Eskimo to buy a freezer."
7. .Everyone thinks I am the most loved person and center of attention wherever I go.
8. I know everyone loves me, eventually.
9. People consider me to be high maintenance and a bit of a snob. One person thinks I am fancy because I match the nail color on my fingers and toes.
10. I know I have peculiar tastes, I am not so brand conscious and actually quiet dislike being gifted things I cannot afford myself. Oh probably that makes me a twisted ego maniac or not.
11. Some people think I am silly, stupid, idiotic, plain dumb.
12. I love being stupid and dumb, it's so much fun to see people make a fool of themselves trying to show off their intellectualism when quoting Keats, Archimedes, Newton and the lot.

I think that's about a dozen things I have come to terms with about myself and people who I do adore and love.

So here's to one more year of self discovery and making less people sad with my rudeness [so called], and more people smile with my silly antics.

And what has to be repeated all the time, every time, love you folks who make my life nothing short of a F*ing musical extravaganza ....!! <3