Not a Kaahani Review

If you have watched the movie you cannot talk about the twist and ruin it for others. You can only post generic comments about the actor Vidya Balan and wax eloquent about the city - Kolkata. I read all the fb posts of my friends and their friends and grew frustrated not having seen it. I wish everyone who had watched it before did not take the 'spoiler alert' too seriously and told me the twist at the end, the waiting for the twist is always interesting but is also nerve wrecking. I am also glad no one told me, because I had my own theory forming when the last 15 mins ripped its thread and shocked me. It was not a twist for twist's sake like an Abbas Mastaan thriller, it was a well formulated twist, which once revealed took you back to the really subtle hints left through out the 100 mins preceding it.


But I am also not shying away from admitting that the build up to this movie left me slightly disappointed. Team Kaahani is not to blame, it is the nature of human expectations.


Team Kaahani, with director Sujoy Ghose is full of Bengalis, set in Kolkata there are only a handful of characters which are played by other actors. So it's a huge boost of , umm can I hazard saying, Ego? Each of the actors who I see in crazy slap stick comedies or adaptation of Ray classic or in the daily soap playing on some Bengali channel shook my pseudo intellectual upturned nose and eye roll, they were good, they were not actors, they were characters, they were the manager of the guest house, they were the officer at the police station, they were the amayik bangali bhadralok who always began with "namoshkar" and ended with a gesture to God.

I have already said too much.


There will be pages written about Vidya who out does herself in each role she picks up, she looks the same, she does not need to change the way she looks drastically all she simply adds is may be a cloak or a loosely done hair, she does not have the limited expressions that is bane of most other's in her generation of actors, but somehow, she is now a star, and never in the 110 odd mins do I forget that. None of us can really look at her and think of Vidya Bagchi, we look and see Vidya Balan. I feel over sensitized to her arched eyebrows, glimpsing a little of The Dirty Picture.


I sat down to not review the movie. So, here is what I actually wanted to talk about.

Satyaki 'Rana' SInha, mind blowing performance as the guy next door [ which is an achievement in itself, movie after movie to be that guy next door] fresh recruit to the Kolkata Police, wanting to do the right thing, afraid for his own job, hard working, trying to be honest, caught in the middle of the kaahani of Vidya Bagchi & Kolkata. He had third most screen time in this movie after Vidya and Kolkata. So, there he stands fiddling with the PC which he can't use too well, he stares at the woman in front of the Police station, he looks away when shouted at, he tries but fails to stand up to a superior in rank, feels amorous towards this woman who doesn't seem to notice him, thinks about her on his journey home and makes an exception of receiving a call from home. He mumbles everytime he does something unlike himself, he runs, pants, falls, throws clumsy punches, falls down, throws garbage at the attacker, he is not the hero, he is not the clever intelligent guy, he is not the hot guy, he is definitely not the cool casual guy. He is Rana and somewhere in the Kaahani you wonder was there a sub plot that could have unfolded. But that is conjecture of the romantic heart.

Parambrata Chattopadhyay, plays his character with restraint and remains "the charioteer of Arjun" like his name suggests.


What got me over the initial disappointment I felt after the great hype of the movie, is Rana because well, I have had the biggest crush on him for like ever....!!


On a serious note, my city never looked so beautiful, the camera captured everything, the grey pavement, the lighted Howrah bridge, the dark water of the Hooghly, the old buildings crumbling, the tea stall.... a city can be romanced, and this is how one should romance a city.


I think thrillers cannot be watched more than once, but Kaahani can be watched a few times over, because now that you are no longer holding your breathe to get to the end to find out the truth, you can relax and observe Rana's eyes move over the face of Vidya, or notice how he slips to "Vidya" from "Mrs. Bagchi", when he wants to do the right thing, and makes it clear that he is in this Kaahani by choice, the choice to be with her, close to her.


May be I am blinded by my crush, but once you have been awestruck by Vidya Balan and Kolkata, please do think about Rana, Bob Biswas, Mr. Das, Paltu and Rana again. They make this movie what it is. A Kaahani worth the watch many times over.

Three nights of solitude

The beginning of three

"Oh no, where is my phone?" bewildered I searched around. There it was just beside me a while ago and where was it now? Did it fall down? Then I see a flash of white and you are trying to hide it. I jump up pouncing on the hand as it deftly hides behind your back. I try to drag it out of your clench,only it has now shifted from your left to the right hand. Damn! I need to use both my hands. Left - right- left, another flash this time in my head, both my arms around you and you are grinning back at me. Blushing I mumble something and finally get hold of the handset.

Suddenly an accidental hug makes me think, there is so much power in small little actions. A smile or a hug can melt away so many negatives. So many misgivings or misunderstandings. So I lie back resting against you talking about life and all that comes to my mind not worrying if it sounds silly or banal. So I could get rats to do my bidding, I could make you smile and laugh and see those eyes light up.

Holding hands or twining fingers, nothing seems strange or complicated. For a few hours the world seems less confusing and complicated. The ghosts of past haunt a little less.Then I hear you say, "leave after 5 mins, it's only been 2 hours."


Sleepless night ...


"God, are you still awake?" What is the time, it must be past 2 am and you are still playing with your laptop. I peek through my eyelids, wondering what you are up to. I pull up the covers and sink back into dreamless sleep.Wonder where the cover cam from, I remember reading a book and then nothing. You must have put the soft duvet on me. "What is that sound? Am I dreaming about rats now?" I open my eyes to find the eerie light of the cell phone lighting the room, it's a video playing and the earphones are attached to your ears. I roll my tired eyes and close them hoping to drown out the eerie light playing in the room, It's probably past 3 am.

"Have I left the door unlocked?" I open my eyes in panic and discover I am in a unknown room, I realize in a flash my current location, but find you gone from my side, then I hear the noise again, I feel my brows wrinkle, who is it? Then you stomp into the room munching on something. As I get used to the shadows you are sitting on the bed going through packets of snacks, I almost hear my stomach growl. "it must be past 4 am not the time for midnight snacks", I drift back into my sleep trying to forget about a chocolate truffle.

"Oh god where is the Fire Exit?" I wake up in panic smelling smoke only to realize it's past 5 am and you are burning cigarettes to ash one after the other. I turn away trying not to breath in the acrid fumes.

"Aww sleeping like a baby." It's 6 am I think and finally the lights, sounds and fumes are gone there is a buzz in the air, as the world wakes up and the early morning sounds fill my ears I worry, is this how all your nights are spent, tossing and turning, waking and sleeping, in fit full sleeplessness. My heart sinks thinking in one hour I must rush off, I wonder whether I should have taken up the couch so that you had more space to sleep, I wonder selfishly, I can't take one more night of this, as the alarm goes off at 7 am.



" Sleep now, sweety!"


"Good Night, I need my 8 hours of sleep, I can't sleep with light and sound."

"You fell asleep fine last night with the lights on?"

"Yeah, because I was dead from fatigue."

"Don't worry today I am taking the couch so you can sleep peacefully."

"What on earth gave you that idea? Sometimes you come up with the oddest thing! Don't worry tonight I will sleep."

"What do you mean you will sleep!!?" I closed my eyes and surrendered my tired mind and body to the soft mattress and softer quilt, slowly drifting into sleep. "Dreaming am I?" Can't be because you are looking at me and smiling. You look so cute when you smile. What am I thinking? I think you should sleep. '"Sleep now." You are telling me to sleep? My eyes widen at the realization that we are talking in bed. This isn't a day dream this is happening. You put your arms around me and I snuggle up to you just like I love. I want to talk to you. I want to ask you what does this mean? I don't want to talk I just want to melt into your arms.

You are again awake, I can't help feel the need to do something. I reach out stroking your hair hoping may be you can fall asleep. I feel you relax a little. The sleep seems to catching up with me, my hand feels heavy and sluggishly I try to keep it moving. I drift in and out of sleep. Everytime I feel sleep enfolding me, you move, make a sound, I snap put of my dreamlike state, "sleep now" I repeat for the the hundredth time and reach out to soothe you. I don't know why I think as long as I let my hand rest on you sleep surrounds us. When I turn away from you in sleep, I find your hand finding my hand and I let you hold my hand yet again letting sleep wash over me.


Wake up - The morning after.

It's 7 am I am ready to leave, my heart breaks to wake you up. I wish I had called a cab. I sit there letting the minutes tick down watching you sleep. I smile remembering the Edward Cullen joke, which says who are the people who watch others sleep, in the exalted list of pedophiles, Vampires I wondered where I featured.

The world whizzes past as I sit back and hope I miss the connection so I can sit back and watch you sleep, even at the cost off seeming like a ghost to you. The speedometer flickers at 100 kmph and I feel strangely peaceful. It's not about the connection, getting it or staying back, those thoughts are slowly draining out of me, I steal a look at your face and find your brows streaked by a few lines, they are never there. You are worried. Yet I know there's nothing to worry.

The choices of food, movies, the softest duvet covering me when I fell asleep, every little thing flashes in my mind's eye. I let the confusion melt and know for sure, I need you to know that I care about you and 'like' like you. Although your self opinion about being a 'certain body part' sometimes gains ground, I know it that your ability to distinguish between 'right' and 'fundamentally wrong', takes you beyond the ordinary person to a principled and good human being.

I want to hug you before I leave but I don't because I don't feel like saying bye, I know I will meet you again and I will wait for the time to hug you. I want to say "you have been such a darling but only type, Thank you for everything". I miss you already and I can't help think,'I can't get you out of my mind.' Now to wait for a new night of solitude.Now to lose the confusion of if or why, to come to a realization of yes or definitely.

Life is -- Fair or unfair?

Scene 1: As his voice rose, she found her tears wetting the front of her shirt, she wondered why she was crying. She knew she was ill and needed to rest, instead she was talking to him. He who probably likes her. He who probably doesn't love her. He who probably never will. She stopped crying. She wanted to tell him that she loved him. But just when she wanted to she realized all she wanted was peace. Even if it meant being alone.Life was unfair, all she wanted was to be loved yet all she got was advice on what was right and wrong.

Scene 2: Years have gone by and still whenever she looks him, she can'e help smiling. Yes, he makes me smile. She blushes the moment the thought comes to her. But today she smiles for a different. As she stands under the warm shower she wonders how this came to be that the one guy she has had the biggest crush on was with her and all that she was so afraid to imagine are a reality now. May be his touch still lingered, may be his face still flashed across her mind. She wondered whether life is not unfair. May be it gave you something only when you would be able to appreciate it.

Scene 3: She was tired, she picked up her phone to leave a text to cancel, but this dinner date was decided weeks back. She didn't want to cancel. As the car drove up she hoped it would be short. She opened the door and sat. They chatted and drove to the restaurant. She stared at the exquisite interior of the car, and she thought to herself.wow, how come I never noticed his car before. The dinner was fantastic, the conversation even better. On her way back she wondered, how come she never noticed the cute guy for such a lot of time. Man, she should have noticed, she browsed his myspace profile a few times and wondered how she never noticed how interesting he looked, just the right cute and sexy, hot and oh what not. Damn, she thought, life was unfair that she should not be able to see the one hot guy right next to her for all these year.

The NEW YEAR post

What did you do on New Year's Eve?

Did you party hard with your friends, or freaked out at a crazy new year event in some five star Hotel, or spent a quiet evening with your loved one's, or enjoyed a long drive to the nearest resort to relax? However, you may have spent your evening it was a new morning the next day. What is really different about New year day? You wake up like everyday and it is really a continuation of your life. So, why is it that almost all of us feel differently about this one day which has no special property which can be qualitatively or quantitatively analysed.

It is all in our mind. Our mind is the center of all that is real or imaginary. You can convince yourself with all the logic and rationale that new year's day is no different from any other day yet, you feel it in your bones that it is different. It is our mind playing tricks on us.

So this year on 31st and 1st I did not open my book of accounts and take stock of my life in 2011. Not that there isn't much to take stock off. In fact, there are quite a few assets to file and liabilities to throw away. But like the lazy bones that I am I kept it for a later date.

I am no habitual procrastinator but sometimes I behave like one especially when it comes to cleaning up my life.

Every year I try and figure out a new way to look back at the year gone past, this year I thought I will list out my many realizations, some mundane and trivial, others deeply meaningful philosophical mysteries.

1. Some people don't understand me. Just simply don't understand me. Nothing metaphorical about it. I talk too fast hence they miss out my words.
2. I don't understand some things. Especially when I am not really listening. I laugh like Mrs. Forman of That 70's Show when I can't understand something.
3. People think I want to give my opinion about whatever they are planning to do. When sometimes I really want to say, " it's your damn money, honey. do whatever you want to with it."
4. I am not opinionated. I thought I was till I discovered there are some things like Cricket without Rahul Dravid or movies like Dabangg that I feel nothing for. Not even the slightest twinge of desire to comment.
5. Most people believe I am impatient. Mostly because I tell them. They think I am getting bored, which they are right in deducing but bored and impatient are not related. I am positive in can also be proven scientifically. But I don't have the patience to research all that.
6. I have more patience. I can actually sit through a rambling story telling of the worse kind without flinching. I think this stems from attending H.R. classes where I was the only student in the room or listening to candidates go on and on about their stupid and sad achievements in life for eg: representative of school in various prestigious school level events. I refrain from saying, "you twerp I don't want you to represent my company in any event, how about telling me whether you can convince an Eskimo to buy a freezer."
7. .Everyone thinks I am the most loved person and center of attention wherever I go.
8. I know everyone loves me, eventually.
9. People consider me to be high maintenance and a bit of a snob. One person thinks I am fancy because I match the nail color on my fingers and toes.
10. I know I have peculiar tastes, I am not so brand conscious and actually quiet dislike being gifted things I cannot afford myself. Oh probably that makes me a twisted ego maniac or not.
11. Some people think I am silly, stupid, idiotic, plain dumb.
12. I love being stupid and dumb, it's so much fun to see people make a fool of themselves trying to show off their intellectualism when quoting Keats, Archimedes, Newton and the lot.

I think that's about a dozen things I have come to terms with about myself and people who I do adore and love.

So here's to one more year of self discovery and making less people sad with my rudeness [so called], and more people smile with my silly antics.

And what has to be repeated all the time, every time, love you folks who make my life nothing short of a F*ing musical extravaganza ....!! <3 

It's Amazing how you speak right to my heart

It is amazing that someone remembered the prayer lead of the third grade & that thought was enough once but the heart is a wild creature that wants what it can't have because sometimes we are merely nothing more than a habit, passing fancy or the recipient of a consolation prize gift wrapped with a for my friend tag !!


That is just not good enough. It was never good enough, still isn't and if that means having one less friend then that's how life is. Life's a Bitch! 


Just Good Friends is no longer good enough!


The third grade prayer lead is no longer in two pony tails and a school uniform.


Two people have one moment when they can catch fire or ...


May be that was a moment missed. 


There was hope of growth yet all things are stagnant now. There is hardly any air left in the Room to breath. 


There is so much that could have been. There is so much that can be.


Yet, with no words exchanged there is no future. There is no you. There is no me. We don't talk no more. 


But it still is amazing that the 7year old boy remembered the girl who sang the National Anthem in the school prayer. 


Would have been a perfect story had the boy and the girl done something amazing together. But that's another chapter of an unwritten book.

It's just the alcohol talking

There could have been a more appropriate title to this post, but this is as good as it gets. What they don't tell you while growing up is that you shouldn't let your imagination run wild. They tell you to use your imagination and let your creativity flow. So, there is no harm in day dreaming. All children day dream in their childhood, some even have imaginary friends. They talk to them as if they were real. None of the adults find it strange. It is an acceptable behavior. No one challenges their sanity.

But can an adult do the same? Can you and I have imaginary friends? Can we at least talk to real people and have imaginary conversations?

Some of you may be already wondering where is this discussion going?

To be frank this has its root in a TV series about a Psychologist and a Therapist. The different cases she deals with are quite frankly eerily familiar. Some of the behaviors exhibited by her patients has such a familiar feeling. It just made we wonder, what is the line between sanity and insanity? Who defines sanity? How do we define sanity?

We don't define Sanity. We can only define what the deviations are from Sanity. Doesn't this make it completely prudish and dictated by social, communal, racial boundaries? What is perhaps acceptable in one culture may completely ridiculous in another.

But cultural diversity is not under discussion here. This is really more about the individual.

Can depression manifest itself in physical illness? The mind is such a powerful object. I am sometimes in awe and fear of it. It can let you take leaps of imagination, flights of fantasy and even turn on itself and self destruct.

You could for instance pick up a bottle of RUM and try to become an alcoholic just to see whether one addiction can release you from another obsession. Does that make you a psychologically handicapped person?

You could also for the sake of argument have imaginary conversation and spent days with an individual, sharing thoughts and laughter, all right inside your mind. Do this for a prolonged period, and all of it starts seeming so real, you almost turn side ways to talk to them aloud. If you do that you would be a very good choice for a visit to the Shrink. If you don't, you just remain in your delusion till you actually meet the imaginary person, and realize that the dream world does not transcend into the physical world around you. How is it that an outwardly normal [sic] person can go about life without anyone suspecting the obsessive nature of the individual? How every little possession is hoarded into boxes, and plastic wraps?

May be mental illness need not be so uncommon. May be we are all a little dented in the head and have some wiring gone wrong.

May be it is not necessary to like and love the same person, may be it is okay to want two different people at the same time. May be life is not always about two choices. May be life doesn't need to be divided between Normal and Abnormal, acceptable and unacceptable.

The Prince and the girl with a Purple scarf

Once upon a time there was a prince who lived in his Kingdom up in the Northern Mountains. He went on a travels across the Great River to the Eastern Kingdom of the Rising Sun. There he rested in his Uncle's home for a few days before he made his return journey back to his Chilly City. One day he went to fish by the river near his Uncle's home. As he sat with the bait and tackle, he heard someone sobbing. He left his bait and tackle on the river bank and followed the sound to a big tree, where he found a girl sitting and crying. He asked her why was she crying, she was startled to see him and tried to run away. He called after her and introduced himself. She sat down again and told him that there was a merchant who had loaned her money and now wanted it back, she could not afford to give it back as she didn't have the required amount. The prince offered to pay off the merchant, she refused to accept the offer. He insisted that he would be only helping her and she should accept. She said she would have to think about it. She had a black Pony and she left on in. He wondered why she didn't have a proper horse, he found the Pony to be ridiculously slow and a silly beast to be kept.
The prince went back to fishing wondering what was there for someone to think about this offer. It was a fair offer. He waited for her to meet him and accept the offer. But she did not come. One day during a dinner in his honor at his uncle's home, he saw her again. He approached her and she spoke to him but did not mention anything about their previous meeting.

He thought may be her problems had been resolved. That night, before she left, she hesitantly asked him whether he was still willing to help her. He smiled and told her that it was a smart choice she was making. As she waited for her pony to be brought from the stables, he could not help but mention it to her why she did not invest in a horse which was faster and much smarter than this ghastly little beast. She smiled and said that she loved her pony and she wouldn't exchange it for any horse. Next day he arranged for the payment to be made on her behalf to the merchant.

Time passed by and the prince went on a small excursion to the near by towns, when he returned he was pleasantly surprised to find the girl waiting for him. He greeted her with a broad smile just like old friends. He realized that he had come to think of her as a friend. So it came to be that the Prince became a friend to this girl.But he could never understand why she kept that pony, infact, one day he even suggested that he would buy her a new horse, if she wanted. She declined to accept the offer. He made fun of her every time he saw her with her pony and asked her whether she'd like to race with a Donkey and she who lost.She smiled and said she loved her pony.

Months had gone past and it was almost nearing the time for the prince to depart for his kingdom, the girl came to him one day with all the money he had offered her. She told him that although she was returning him all the money yet she may require some of it at a later date. He didn't even think twice before agreeing. She was his friend.

The prince was now back in his kingdom, he seldom talked to his friend. But one day she sent him an urgent request for some money and he immediately ensured it was made available to her.He also insisted that she buy a new horse immediately because he had heard that pony's didn't live too long. She replied back that she loved her pony and didn't want to replace it.

There was a big festival in the Eastern kingdom and the prince was a special guest for it. He arrived with grandeur and half of his court. When the girl came to meet him, he had no time for her, as he remained surrounded by well wishers and other dignitaries. She left quietly. The week long festival was almost over, when the prince on one of his ride on the river bank met her again under the same tree. She was sobbing again. He wondered what was wrong this time. When he approached her and asked her, she told him that she was sad that the prince had not met her even once. The prince felt bad for his friend and insisted that they spend the next day by the riverside and have small picnic.

The next day the prince arrived to find the girl and her pony waiting for him. He chuckled looking at the pony. They sat down for the picnic and chatted away about all that had been happening. It was a humid day and the Sun was burning down on them, he laughed at the girl pointing to her purple scarf, and wondering aloud why had she brought it along. She said that she liked the color so she thought she would wear it today. He laughed even louder and said, how come she always loved all these weird things like a pony instead of a horse, a purple scarf instead of some nice color.

At the end of the picnic the girl invited him to come to her birthday. He said he would definitely come. He asked her what gift she wanted. He really thought that it was a good opportunity for her to replace the pony. She did not smile but said that if he felt so conscious about her choice of a beast then he should probably re think his agreeing to come to her party. She wondered what other things she owns might offend his sensibility.

He thought about her words on his way back and started to get angry. He was always so nice to her and why was she so surly. What did she see in her silly pony he wondered.

On the day of the event, he reached with his friends and courtiers and gifted the girl a beautiful, expensive silk scarf which he purchased from a foreign merchant. The festivities at the girls home went on late into the night. Everyone had a lot of fun.

The next morning it was again time for the prince to return to his kingdom. He went to say goodbye to his friend. He asked her whether she liked the gift he had given her. She smiled saying that she liked it. He asked whether she tried it on. She said she had the moment she had unpacked it. It was beautiful. She was proud to own it. He laughed and told her at least she had let him replace one silly thing she owned if not her horse, after all the silk scarf was so much better than the indigenous Purple piece of cloth she pretended to love. She smiled and told him that she would never think of his gift as replacing her favorite scarf. She didn't stop loving something just because he didn't approve of it, in the same way she didn't stop loving him even though he demeaned and humiliated her every time he laughed or cracked jokes about her pony or her scarf.

The smile from the prince's face vanished when she stopped smiling and waved goodbye and closed the door of her house.