The beginning of three
"Oh no, where is my phone?" bewildered I searched around. There it was just beside me a while ago and where was it now? Did it fall down? Then I see a flash of white and you are trying to hide it. I jump up pouncing on the hand as it deftly hides behind your back. I try to drag it out of your clench,only it has now shifted from your left to the right hand. Damn! I need to use both my hands. Left - right- left, another flash this time in my head, both my arms around you and you are grinning back at me. Blushing I mumble something and finally get hold of the handset.
Suddenly an accidental hug makes me think, there is so much power in small little actions. A smile or a hug can melt away so many negatives. So many misgivings or misunderstandings. So I lie back resting against you talking about life and all that comes to my mind not worrying if it sounds silly or banal. So I could get rats to do my bidding, I could make you smile and laugh and see those eyes light up.
Holding hands or twining fingers, nothing seems strange or complicated. For a few hours the world seems less confusing and complicated. The ghosts of past haunt a little less.Then I hear you say, "leave after 5 mins, it's only been 2 hours."
Sleepless night ...
"God, are you still awake?" What is the time, it must be past 2 am and you are still playing with your laptop. I peek through my eyelids, wondering what you are up to. I pull up the covers and sink back into dreamless sleep.Wonder where the cover cam from, I remember reading a book and then nothing. You must have put the soft duvet on me. "What is that sound? Am I dreaming about rats now?" I open my eyes to find the eerie light of the cell phone lighting the room, it's a video playing and the earphones are attached to your ears. I roll my tired eyes and close them hoping to drown out the eerie light playing in the room, It's probably past 3 am.
"Have I left the door unlocked?" I open my eyes in panic and discover I am in a unknown room, I realize in a flash my current location, but find you gone from my side, then I hear the noise again, I feel my brows wrinkle, who is it? Then you stomp into the room munching on something. As I get used to the shadows you are sitting on the bed going through packets of snacks, I almost hear my stomach growl. "it must be past 4 am not the time for midnight snacks", I drift back into my sleep trying to forget about a chocolate truffle.
"Oh god where is the Fire Exit?" I wake up in panic smelling smoke only to realize it's past 5 am and you are burning cigarettes to ash one after the other. I turn away trying not to breath in the acrid fumes.
"Aww sleeping like a baby." It's 6 am I think and finally the lights, sounds and fumes are gone there is a buzz in the air, as the world wakes up and the early morning sounds fill my ears I worry, is this how all your nights are spent, tossing and turning, waking and sleeping, in fit full sleeplessness. My heart sinks thinking in one hour I must rush off, I wonder whether I should have taken up the couch so that you had more space to sleep, I wonder selfishly, I can't take one more night of this, as the alarm goes off at 7 am.
" Sleep now, sweety!"
"Good Night, I need my 8 hours of sleep, I can't sleep with light and sound."
"You fell asleep fine last night with the lights on?"
"Yeah, because I was dead from fatigue."
"Don't worry today I am taking the couch so you can sleep peacefully."
"What on earth gave you that idea? Sometimes you come up with the oddest thing! Don't worry tonight I will sleep."
"What do you mean you will sleep!!?" I closed my eyes and surrendered my tired mind and body to the soft mattress and softer quilt, slowly drifting into sleep. "Dreaming am I?" Can't be because you are looking at me and smiling. You look so cute when you smile. What am I thinking? I think you should sleep. '"Sleep now." You are telling me to sleep? My eyes widen at the realization that we are talking in bed. This isn't a day dream this is happening. You put your arms around me and I snuggle up to you just like I love. I want to talk to you. I want to ask you what does this mean? I don't want to talk I just want to melt into your arms.
You are again awake, I can't help feel the need to do something. I reach out stroking your hair hoping may be you can fall asleep. I feel you relax a little. The sleep seems to catching up with me, my hand feels heavy and sluggishly I try to keep it moving. I drift in and out of sleep. Everytime I feel sleep enfolding me, you move, make a sound, I snap put of my dreamlike state, "sleep now" I repeat for the the hundredth time and reach out to soothe you. I don't know why I think as long as I let my hand rest on you sleep surrounds us. When I turn away from you in sleep, I find your hand finding my hand and I let you hold my hand yet again letting sleep wash over me.
Wake up - The morning after.
It's 7 am I am ready to leave, my heart breaks to wake you up. I wish I had called a cab. I sit there letting the minutes tick down watching you sleep. I smile remembering the Edward Cullen joke, which says who are the people who watch others sleep, in the exalted list of pedophiles, Vampires I wondered where I featured.
The world whizzes past as I sit back and hope I miss the connection so I can sit back and watch you sleep, even at the cost off seeming like a ghost to you. The speedometer flickers at 100 kmph and I feel strangely peaceful. It's not about the connection, getting it or staying back, those thoughts are slowly draining out of me, I steal a look at your face and find your brows streaked by a few lines, they are never there. You are worried. Yet I know there's nothing to worry.
The choices of food, movies, the softest duvet covering me when I fell asleep, every little thing flashes in my mind's eye. I let the confusion melt and know for sure, I need you to know that I care about you and 'like' like you. Although your self opinion about being a 'certain body part' sometimes gains ground, I know it that your ability to distinguish between 'right' and 'fundamentally wrong', takes you beyond the ordinary person to a principled and good human being.
I want to hug you before I leave but I don't because I don't feel like saying bye, I know I will meet you again and I will wait for the time to hug you. I want to say "you have been such a darling but only type, Thank you for everything". I miss you already and I can't help think,'I can't get you out of my mind.' Now to wait for a new night of solitude.Now to lose the confusion of if or why, to come to a realization of yes or definitely.
"Oh no, where is my phone?" bewildered I searched around. There it was just beside me a while ago and where was it now? Did it fall down? Then I see a flash of white and you are trying to hide it. I jump up pouncing on the hand as it deftly hides behind your back. I try to drag it out of your clench,only it has now shifted from your left to the right hand. Damn! I need to use both my hands. Left - right- left, another flash this time in my head, both my arms around you and you are grinning back at me. Blushing I mumble something and finally get hold of the handset.
Suddenly an accidental hug makes me think, there is so much power in small little actions. A smile or a hug can melt away so many negatives. So many misgivings or misunderstandings. So I lie back resting against you talking about life and all that comes to my mind not worrying if it sounds silly or banal. So I could get rats to do my bidding, I could make you smile and laugh and see those eyes light up.
Holding hands or twining fingers, nothing seems strange or complicated. For a few hours the world seems less confusing and complicated. The ghosts of past haunt a little less.Then I hear you say, "leave after 5 mins, it's only been 2 hours."
Sleepless night ...
"God, are you still awake?" What is the time, it must be past 2 am and you are still playing with your laptop. I peek through my eyelids, wondering what you are up to. I pull up the covers and sink back into dreamless sleep.Wonder where the cover cam from, I remember reading a book and then nothing. You must have put the soft duvet on me. "What is that sound? Am I dreaming about rats now?" I open my eyes to find the eerie light of the cell phone lighting the room, it's a video playing and the earphones are attached to your ears. I roll my tired eyes and close them hoping to drown out the eerie light playing in the room, It's probably past 3 am.
"Have I left the door unlocked?" I open my eyes in panic and discover I am in a unknown room, I realize in a flash my current location, but find you gone from my side, then I hear the noise again, I feel my brows wrinkle, who is it? Then you stomp into the room munching on something. As I get used to the shadows you are sitting on the bed going through packets of snacks, I almost hear my stomach growl. "it must be past 4 am not the time for midnight snacks", I drift back into my sleep trying to forget about a chocolate truffle.
"Oh god where is the Fire Exit?" I wake up in panic smelling smoke only to realize it's past 5 am and you are burning cigarettes to ash one after the other. I turn away trying not to breath in the acrid fumes.
"Aww sleeping like a baby." It's 6 am I think and finally the lights, sounds and fumes are gone there is a buzz in the air, as the world wakes up and the early morning sounds fill my ears I worry, is this how all your nights are spent, tossing and turning, waking and sleeping, in fit full sleeplessness. My heart sinks thinking in one hour I must rush off, I wonder whether I should have taken up the couch so that you had more space to sleep, I wonder selfishly, I can't take one more night of this, as the alarm goes off at 7 am.
" Sleep now, sweety!"
"Good Night, I need my 8 hours of sleep, I can't sleep with light and sound."
"You fell asleep fine last night with the lights on?"
"Yeah, because I was dead from fatigue."
"Don't worry today I am taking the couch so you can sleep peacefully."
"What on earth gave you that idea? Sometimes you come up with the oddest thing! Don't worry tonight I will sleep."
"What do you mean you will sleep!!?" I closed my eyes and surrendered my tired mind and body to the soft mattress and softer quilt, slowly drifting into sleep. "Dreaming am I?" Can't be because you are looking at me and smiling. You look so cute when you smile. What am I thinking? I think you should sleep. '"Sleep now." You are telling me to sleep? My eyes widen at the realization that we are talking in bed. This isn't a day dream this is happening. You put your arms around me and I snuggle up to you just like I love. I want to talk to you. I want to ask you what does this mean? I don't want to talk I just want to melt into your arms.
You are again awake, I can't help feel the need to do something. I reach out stroking your hair hoping may be you can fall asleep. I feel you relax a little. The sleep seems to catching up with me, my hand feels heavy and sluggishly I try to keep it moving. I drift in and out of sleep. Everytime I feel sleep enfolding me, you move, make a sound, I snap put of my dreamlike state, "sleep now" I repeat for the the hundredth time and reach out to soothe you. I don't know why I think as long as I let my hand rest on you sleep surrounds us. When I turn away from you in sleep, I find your hand finding my hand and I let you hold my hand yet again letting sleep wash over me.
Wake up - The morning after.
It's 7 am I am ready to leave, my heart breaks to wake you up. I wish I had called a cab. I sit there letting the minutes tick down watching you sleep. I smile remembering the Edward Cullen joke, which says who are the people who watch others sleep, in the exalted list of pedophiles, Vampires I wondered where I featured.
The world whizzes past as I sit back and hope I miss the connection so I can sit back and watch you sleep, even at the cost off seeming like a ghost to you. The speedometer flickers at 100 kmph and I feel strangely peaceful. It's not about the connection, getting it or staying back, those thoughts are slowly draining out of me, I steal a look at your face and find your brows streaked by a few lines, they are never there. You are worried. Yet I know there's nothing to worry.
The choices of food, movies, the softest duvet covering me when I fell asleep, every little thing flashes in my mind's eye. I let the confusion melt and know for sure, I need you to know that I care about you and 'like' like you. Although your self opinion about being a 'certain body part' sometimes gains ground, I know it that your ability to distinguish between 'right' and 'fundamentally wrong', takes you beyond the ordinary person to a principled and good human being.
I want to hug you before I leave but I don't because I don't feel like saying bye, I know I will meet you again and I will wait for the time to hug you. I want to say "you have been such a darling but only type, Thank you for everything". I miss you already and I can't help think,'I can't get you out of my mind.' Now to wait for a new night of solitude.Now to lose the confusion of if or why, to come to a realization of yes or definitely.
Posts
