Gossip Girl - The Story about FMLS.

We all have our share of gossips and bitching but you wouldn't believe me if I told you that it's actually more fun to bitch to a boy than a girl. Yes, you heard it right. Okay, so it happens that one of my friend posted on her blog about this irritating friend of her's, that kind of jolted my mind into all the gossip I have been picking up off and on from various sources over the years and more recently with the major gossip mongering I have been doing with this Boy who has the most interesting insights into human behavior & psychology. Although I still plan to write a book someday, this I think can be a fairly good practice session.

In all good faith I can vouch that when I turned 27 I came upon this realization that there are two kinds of people in this world "interesting" and "entertaining". I have met quite a few of both kinds, and heard about some more. Usually the interesting folks over time become entertaining but the opposite is not always true. So here comes a series about a few such entertaining folks I have come to know.

Disclaimer: All character are very much Fictitious. But if you find any similarity with someone you know, that's because common human traits. Nothing else. I swear.

In this story there is a girl whom we shall refer to as the 'Flea market lingerie shopper', FMLS for convenience.

So, I met FMLS during one of those trips outside the city, when my return flight got delayed and I was reading a book to keep myself from falling asleep sitting in the airport lounge. We started talking over the book I was reading, and then we decided to exchange seats so we could sit together. Like all techno savvy people. she popped out her blackberry and asked me whether she can add me on fb, which was fine with me. She added me and expectantly looked at me to do the needful which is add her back, when I fished out my poor non-blackberry QWERTY she arched her eyebrow and said that everybody who worked in corporate should use a blackberry. The first of many such 'should' she would dispense me. Next came the Corporate visiting card. I never carry mine, because wherever I go I think introducing myself is quite enough. Anyways, so out came the visiting card, and started the stories about the world tours she had gone on. But wait I am just talking about the first meeting. This same lady has been in touch with me for a very long time. Let me tell you the more interesting and entertaining conversations.

So she travels the world, and shops at all the hottest shopping destinations, and actually informs me of the discount sale in stores that do not have a branch in India. Can you beat that? I tried reminding her the first two times, and the response was more condescending and pretentious than the actual message.

This should a good time to explain why we are calling her FMLS, that's because I find her wearing the same lingerie all the time, pray don't ask me how, I just do. And she also happened to mention a particularly shady shopping district in S.E. Asia known for its flea market.

For a high flying corporate honcho she doesn't ever seem to have change just when she has to pick up a pack of smoke, she promises to return the amount you spend on an outing, saying she will pick up cash on the way back but I still haven't got back about 5 grands.

She is a self professed wine and whiskey enthusiast yet she has no clue what food White and Red wine should be accompanied by to top it all she didn't know how to spell Sangria, after I introduced her to the wine based cocktail. Her fb posts about all her trips include pictures where she is preening like a model on some shoot wearing unimaginably trashy clothes, which leaves me and the rest of friend list wondering where Does She SHOP?

There is a frightful lack of personal space with her, you never know when she will jump on you giving you a hug which probably will snap your spine into two or more pieces. Also if I may add, being the straight woman that I am, sometimes her presence really gives off a terribly 'latent lesbian' aura. And no I am absolutely comfortable with other people's sexual identity yet I would prefer if they didn't assume mine.

Her updates on fb are a treat, if you want an example of completely messed up grammar, spelling and meaning of words then you should read her posts. I actually have to read them a few times before commenting so that I get what she is actually trying to say instead of something completely lunatic.

She has embarrassed me a number of times online with her really weird posts on my wall and comments on my posts, I mean I have actually had some folks call me up on International call to ask what is it that she means with certain posts about certain things. The boys on friend list I think laugh the most with some of her completely silly comments, doesn't help the whole dumb blonde image that she has unfortunately developed.

It's so crazy that she happens to be the brand manager of a fairly good company, I just wonder when is her boss going to call her and pull her up for really terrible sense of dressing and I keep wondering how her clients understand her mails and presentations when she doesn't know the difference between 'quiet' and 'quite'? But one also remembers in these moments that English is not the Most widely spoken language.

So she struts her stuff, drinks, shoots from the mouth and leaves, and every time I meet her I thank my lucky stars that I have not become who she is. She lacks taste, culture,finesse, just about everything one should pick up on your way to the top and not just a fat paycheck. I am sure she has her heart in the right place, but I am positive that she needs psychological help, because her competitive streak with poor old me is just naturally stupid. I am no competition to anyone, yet she lies, she manipulates, she brags, she admonishes me on my choices and even tried to give me relationship advice. Either she thinks I am dumb which is fine, or she imagines she is my fairy god mother hoping to turn the pumpkin into the beautiful carriage. Either ways she's way to entertaining to me summed up in a blog post. Someday she will be a longish chapter in my book till then here's to my Flea Market Lingerie Shopper.

I still love her dearly !!! because her complete 'tasteless' (sic) existence makes me smile even in absolute despair :)