The Hypothetical HBD Party Story

This could be your story or mine, you could take it to be a self help guide on How not to plan a Happy Birthday Party.

First things first, do not post updates on social networking sites about anything at all which points to anyone in particular especially if you want them to like you and come to your party. If you ask me why, I can only tell you, one woman's mead is another man's poison or some such thing. Plus people think you are loony to be so excited about your own birthday. Although I would have liked my friends to have thrown me a surprise parry but then somehow no one really likes to make an effort, so even after tonnes of hint I have to plan for it myself.

Birthdays are dicey times, at least for me, I am always very excited about them, so starts the upward curve of the graph and it moves up at a fast pace, then I hit the plateau of indecisiveness, my favorite past time, what to do, who to invite, where to go, etc etc. All this snowballs into stress and I am almost ready to give up doing anything but staying at home and vegetating. Then there is my happiness's bane the ghosts of Work plague me. The pile of work gets higher and higher with every hour that passes, this is stressful, there is the stress of not getting work done on time, there is the stress of non performance, there is the whole 'I am better than this' track in the mind. Add to it the extreme sensitivity [read emotions] expecting everyone to be nice & fair and all that which Librans expect and most of the times you would probably get away with a few indiscretions but not when it is our birth month.

The build up to the day can be always messy, some of it circumstantial others my own stupidity. Could be the shock of travelling in really cheap airlines, sweating profusely, almost wondering whether the flight would be able to take off with all the passengers and the luggage. Long hot day spent counselling uncounsel-able [sic] managers and then the horror of finding travel tickets unconfirmed, rushing from the station to the airport to grab the next flight out of the weird town where a national food chain can't serve a decent Ceaser's Salad and finally back home.

Talking about indiscretions, the story cannot be fun if there are none of these silly bits of nonsense in the past few weeks before the actual date, namely building up a guest list assuming people will say No, without checking the bank account, unaware of the Group Dynamics that could arise out of these people under one roof on the birthday. Some pretty awful decisions, thankfully all the mess of the tours and travels are good excuses to snip the guest list and finally, you can have the perfect set, umm make that a set + '1'. That perfect set is what you want when you have a party, where there are enough people who know each other, some sprinkling of people who are easy to be with and get along with new people, which takes care of the focus you might have to give on them so they are not bored. A time you could spend cultivating the '1' [read cute guy/girl/friend]. Ideally 7-10 should be the numbers if you want to keep it personal. It's not a treat, where you call in all and sundry to partake in what can only be defined as sip n bite. A dinner party, the kind I like, needs to be fun, smart and warm. Okay three extremely unrelated words.

I don't like hitches, so a place where everyone get what they like, food and beverages, where people can relax and you will not be asked to keep it down because your group is raising hell, which they must if it's My party.

Regarding Group Dynamics, the seating has to be considered, straight back chairs or Sofa's etc etc, the seating arrangement, I like to leave it up to the folks, but sometimes I got to make suggestions just so that the wrong people don't get to sit beside each other. If they do, you could try to ignore their bickering and frowns hopefully by the time the party is over they would not have killed each other or worse maimed someone so you end up in a Emergency Room.

The thing about parties is that they always get stretched, with all the cacophony, chatter, laughter and little bit of food and beverages.It could be compared to a many headed animal, which can change track at any time. It is hard to concentrate with so much going on. And as a host you shouldn't try too hard, because if you do there is absolutely no doubt about the fact that you will not enjoy.

Of course some people do not have choice regarding this, they could have spent around 6 hours crying and piling up paper hand towels trying to drown the thoughts rearing up in the mind which could lead to a complete cancellation of all celebrations.The reason could be feeling absolutely forsaken and abandoned because people scold you for stuff which you think is part of your quirky charm and fair because it wasn't meant to harm anyone. Well lesson learnt, people do not necessarily find your quirkiness charming, and apparently the world agrees. But usually such things can be overcome by will power and a little bit of greed for the gifts that are almost obviously coming to the Party wrapped up in the finest Gift wrapping, I mean the wonderful company of the people I love, of course.

A warm shower, a nice dress, some hurried make up and you end up in the middle of the milling crowd, sitting down, getting the servers to figure out the AC temperature controls and what not, the smiles, the photo ops, the gifts, the cake, the late guest, the awkwardness, the chat, the smile, the food and the toasting with sparkling wine, the wrap up and you realise 3 hours have flown past with no tear drops.

Parties have a way of making you feel warm and fuzzy or may be the people, so even when you may be sad about not sitting beside your favorite person because they have perched their bottom [ read 'cute' before bottom] between two delightful couples who are too nice to ask to be allowed to sit close to each other, you cheer up, you try to smile at first but then you actually smile without the effort.

You may not had the chance to click pictures with everyone of the guest, you may not have hugged everyone for coming, or thanked them for the gifts, you may have even not stood in the corner of the terrace and stole a kiss from that '1' you like so much, who made you sad for sometime, but you have just had your birthday party and you are unexpectedly content and happy.

The warmth of the evening seeps into your soul by the time you are on your way back home, you reach out and pour your heart out. It's always a good thing to talk. I have always believed so. For the sake of argument, status updates can read like stinker mails from Bosses, and friendly scolding can sound like a verbal thrashing from the team manager for indiscipline. But a birthday is a birthday, darling, I am a sensitive creature by nature, so handle with care is all I can say.

Of course, a hand to brush away the hair falling on my face and a surprisingly gentle hug can melt away the pain and hurt, but I wouldn't mind a kiss or two to make the birthday perfect just '2 mins before the day ends'. But then I have always wanted 'Everything'.

P.S: Advice: 

1. Bring a bag for the gifts
2. Don't open the gifts the moment you receive it
3. Cards you can read 
4. Think about our orders before placing them
5. Reason for not opening the gifts -  

• Gift wrapping and tapes are a mess
• You could break something
• You could be so overwhelmed by a gift that forgetting [sthan, kal and patro] place, time and person, you may put your arms around the '1' and end up saying something stupid like I love you.

Laughathons, Gigglathons and my laughter tracks

Everyone does it, you have done it too. Laughed till your eyes watered. Laughed till you fell of the chair or Sofa. Laughed till the drink you sipped came out the wrong way. Laughed till you had tears rolling down your face.

So we sit at the local sip n bite joint and over our respective Darjeeling or Earl Greys we cackle, giggle and snort sometimes over the craziest bits of nonsense. That's my gal pal J.

We could be in a movie theater, trying to make sense of a B grade Bollywod potboiler, with me going "I can't understand why this is happening" every few minutes, so there is exasperated sniggering at our mutual state of disgust and complete lack of foresight to come and watch this particular movie. That's when Me and P get together.

Roaring guffaws and equally screeching screams when we can't get enough of bitching done about our Bosses, or colleagues, there is some mixed dialect of Oriya-hindi-bengali-english going on, and whoever is trying to overhear just gets periods of hushed whispers followed, by loud noises and two people rolling off their chairs. That's S for you.

Imagine a dark room and the middle of the night, and all you hear is muffled sniggering, choked laughter interrupted by a few whispers. You could also imagine, a very serious face and then hiding behind my own cupped pals to stop the smile.There could be a few dozen people around or no one, it could be that we are face to face or over a phone call, but hell I could try yet I fail not to smile every time we talk. Crazy ideas, really innovative abuses, mind boggling comments on each and everything within eye sight, add to it a good dose of utter embarrassment when everyone else frowns at you. That's my CF.

In all the above cases, one warning I never heed, is not to drink or eat anywhere around these people, and always end up with the drink coming out of my nose like some cheap magic trick, or chocking on food, dropping cutlery with alarming ringing sounds, spilling water, falling off the chair or bed and still laughing as I lie on my back with my feet on the bed.

Thanks for all the laughter and the smile, I am smiling thinking about all the funny things we said and did.

Warning about the link Below:

To know about the Giggle Loop is to become a part of the Giggle Loop...

Laughathons, Gigglathons and those who Do it.

"You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling"

someone once told me that after a certain age you cannot really feel the same kind of emotions about another person, which we associate with being in love, when we do fall in love for the very first time. today as i sat across a dinner table and in the passenger seat of a car i kept thinking about how i have changed over the years. i may sound disillusioned, but i am not. i just started to feel strangely bored of all the happenings. there was no subtext in my words, there was no parallel conversation in my head, i said and did what I felt like.

i didn't feel the need to hug you, nor to hold your hand when we crossed the road, the music on the car stereo had no special meaning. i wasn't shying away from touching you, i wasn't worried about saying something intelligent, entertaining or worse dumb.

as u went on gushing about other women you hardly knew, except seeing their photographs, who did not stay awake to listen to your student life's stories and events, who didn't know which may be your favorite restaurant,  who didn't know about your crazy ideas, who did not laugh with you at 2 AM, who did cry for you when you were at rock bottom, who don't think whether you have had your dinner, whose hearts don't melt everytime you smile and eyes twinkle, who don't have to change the phone wall paper everytime they meet u. i wished I wasn't the one to wake up and go to sleep with your thought.

for one tiny moment i let my mind slip just when i had slapped u mockingly a few times, for a tiny moment i wished to let my palm remain where they were for a few more seconds.

but the fact hits me now, u don't like me.

you never will.

you are just not into me.

i fought with you today and between the tears i wanted to say, "how can u do this to me, i like u so much.?" but i didn't. thank god i didn't.

i tried to look into ur eyes, only found, sarcasm, mockery, intelligence, cleverness, honesty, attitude, smartness, logic and no love. i will have no trouble looking into your eyes now, because i know there is no love for me, no feelings for me.

i owe u a lot and that's all there is to it. i owe u a lot of help, faith, belief for standing by me. i owe it to my feelings for u my new found peaceful professional life. sometimes i shudder to think had i not felt drawn to u would i hv taken the hard decision to quit and come here? i think i wouldn't have.

i didn't want to write so much.

all i wanted to say was, i know u don't love me and never will, it makes me feel so empty yet at least now i can put this upto age, where it is no longer possible to love someone with abandon anymore and not want anything.

u r right, when u say u r an eligible bachelor. come to think about it, u have got ur valuation correct, the education, the profession, everything, and i guess my worth just falls short compared to everyone else u want to be with. i just wish u wouldn't say it all the time, every time. and yes i love to color my nails with neon nail paint, wear purple sunglasses or carry animal print stoles, but that's who I AM. that does not make me a wannabe.

i have lied to, avoided, ignored friends because you obsess with them, i wanted to spent one special day with u and when it seemed impossible i hoped at least the presence of a crowd of people would make me feel better, but now, i just want to be alone.

it will probably cost me a few more friends, and some loss of face but my heart is crushed and so is my courage. i can no longer be brave.

and i am sure u will find something to mock in this too.

but it doesn't matter something inside me has just grown old.

"You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling"

Decoding the Libra Gene

It's been years since I met this chap, way back in 2002 when we were in undergraduate studies, we spoke for the first time. The years that intervene between that time and today are not of continuous communication, yet even when we meet after yet another gap of 3 years nothing seems to have changed. Yes I know that it is impossible that we are the same people who went on an impromptu trip to Pune and the outskirts during Holi, both of us bunking work with really badly made up excuses. We have changed, what hasn't is the way we interact. What hasn't changed also are those common memories of laughter, embarrassment and what not.

So on the Saptami evening when my friend returned to his home city for Pujo after 4 years it was a delight to accompany him. We walked and peeped into every pandal that was on the way, I was trigger happy with my phone camera, sometimes, actually most of the times only clicking blurry images. As usual he took the clicking a  bit more seriously and has captured all these nice shots minus the blurriness.

I was reminded of the instance in front of the Pune Fort where he climbed on top of the Wall to click the photo of the Statue. God those were crazy times!!

When we sat down on the Park Bench at the Holy ground where you always find your long lost friends - Maddox Square, no wonder our discussion veered to what is it that has brought so much happiness to us, what is it that has brought the craziest and the nicest people close to us. That's where I decoded a bit of the Libra Gene. Oh yes, you may not be one to believe in the Zodiac Signs, may even smirk at Linda Goodman, but hey, we are just discussing, no arguments here. That's how we Librans like to win an argument by the way.

1. Why on Earth do we have so many best friends? - Seriously, ask a Libra, they will rattle off atleast 3 names. Somehow, the concept of Best Friend being Singular has not really gone down well with us. Everywhere we go, for every phase of life you will find us with one BEST FRIEND. I have my share too, and in fact some of them are reading this right now.
2. Why do we have so many friends? - I know you don't understand why this should bother us. But it does bother us sometimes, you know, are we too easy as friends, apparently our demands or expectations of what a friend should be is rather flexible. So we are easy to be friends with. I think we are just lucky to have friends. Everyone seems to want to talk to us. Boy do we love talking!! We love 'yapping' the most and if it ain't with a friend it can be with an acquaintance, could be a cab driver, or the passenger in the train compartment or the guy sitting next to you on a flight.
3. Why do we seem slightly if not very Possessive about our stuff ? - you heard that right, we are by nature possessive about things, people, places etc etc... you will hear us say things like "My Friend", "My Camera",  "My locality". We don't mean to be selfish or mean we just like to know what is ours. Just so that you also know that's how we feel about you.
4. Why do we like to be hugged? - some of us don't but most Librans I know do like a warm hug, if not all the time, sometimes, especially when they are down. We actually take offence at not being hugged, ask my friend who pointed it out to me that the last time we met I didn't hug him.Hug us but with caution if we don't like you, we may say, "What the hell is wrong with you?" If we like you and you just surprised us with a Hug, we may say, "What was that For?" and smile.
5. Why do we smile? Oh well, this may seem a little weird at first but if you have spent some time with us you know what we are talking about. We smile and you have no clue why we are smiling. Well one reason is we are thinking about something else and the smile crosses our face not necessarily anything to do with what is happening. That is the simplest explanation, there are tonnes of other explanation, but we will let you find out.We can be quite the Devil.
6. Why do we seem to have all the crazy people as our friend? Well, because we probably don't judge people as much as we are made out to. We judge you yes, then we think it is unfair to judge you, so we want to be nice to you and so we like you and let you be our friend. Didn't you ever hear, "Normal is boring." Okay so all of you who are reading this post and wondering "Am I crazy?" Well, you are probably not clinically crazy, if you know what I mean but you have your craziness which we have witnessed and kept our mouth shut. Oh yes, we are pretty good at keeping secrets, we take it very seriously when we are told not to share something, and it gives us sleepless nights.

The discussion was cut short as we rushed off to dinner. But the last final conclusion I decided to draw was pretty much like all Libra discussions, seeing both sides of the argument, calling it a Discussion, finding the middle path and being agreeable.

All people make great friends, Librans or otherwise, I feel had I not been a Libra may be I wouldn't have all you nice people reading this post and leaving those nice comments. Librans like the Nice in everything. Being Nice is very important to us. Sometimes, we bend the truth a bit to remain nice, other times, we blurt out the truth for being fair. Our eternal struggle seems to be between being Nice and Fair. You cannot be both as we keep discovering.

So keep your Libra friends close, they might be pesky sometimes but they are for keeps. If you are looking for a smile you know which friend to call. You can take reference of my friends in this. I can make people smile :). Seriously!!

For one more chance

Ekbar bol tor keu neyi, keu neyi ;(

The world is such a small place, your story came back to me in someone else's words across a dinner table. How is it possible the same person I shared my pain with, has actually met you somewhere in this lifetime, and sat with you across a table shared food and drink, the same time when I knew you and you were so full of life. It was simultaneously such a relief & so much of pain to know that there are others who think about you and miss you, may be the reason such a revelation comes to me now because somewhere you know how everytime my mind is away from all the rigors of life I think of you. I sat across the dinner table and wondered and said it aloud for the first time 

• Why I really feel so guilty?
• Why I feel so angry? 
• Why can't I mourn you? 
• Why do I have to define my relationship with you before I can cry for you? 
• Why someone you loved so much can just move on and have a happy life? 
• Why must I be left to find my eyes full of tears in the middle of a conversation?
• Why must you not be here?

To say it out loud, why even a trip to the place where you stood, why dedications, why shutting out the thoughts, does not wear away the guilt, makes me realize how much I miss you. I hope you are at peace wherever you are.

It is a simple wish yet so impossible, so impractical, so silly. But I promise I will meet you everytime you call, I will never call you shallow, I will never stop talking to you, just come back to me somehow, in this lifetime or the next, just let me make up for everything, just let me be honest with you once and fulfill those little dreams you shared. Let me be a better friend than I was "Rghy", your PRC misses you still, every time the smell of new books or old floats in the air, when Mohonbagan and East Bengal matches are played, passes your favorite restaurant  and there is no one who understands that.

Festive Bytes

Maddox Square

Heard Somewhere


"Since you are taking the pics, you have to upload on FB and Tag me. Tag korte bhulish na kintu?" - Boy to his group of friends in a Pandal.

"Ami dekhte pelam tumi camera ta amar dike na kore okhan chobi tulchile." - Accusatory tone of girlfriend to her boyfriend, when we four girls were cooling off a little after a long march in the Sun in a relatively empty Pandal.


Read Somewhere


"Why is the city so DRY?" - Very famous FMLS post, after post about how a certain capital city is not 'wet' enough [ read "its is so dry"] during the festive season, WTF do u expect in a Maa Durga foresaken part of the country?

"Kolkata is the place to be during Pujo." -  Couldn't agree more Sister.

Why I like Parambarata's character in 22-she Shrabon?

22-she shrabon is the latest new age Bengali movie to hit the cineplex. What is this new age movie? Movies which have an innovative script, some sharp editing, creative work by the DOP [cameraman] and some realistic portrayal of how normal people talk, not in poetry, but in abusive language, meaningless juxtaposition of words etc. Normal people, don't have a script to read, so natural dialogues in movies is fairly hard to achieve. Yet this movie does come very close to being natural.


But a review of the movie is not what I had in mind.


Parambrata's character is part of the detective division of Kolkata Police and his girlfriend is Raima's character. After the usual thriller like opening sequence we meet the couple having a fight and then they have a break up. So, how predictable is that!! But what follows after a few reels, when you are just settling into the the story of the thriller, and I must say this are two very well placed sequences with continuity and two beautiful songs that follows. Mr. Detective returns to his home and finds a 'post it' note left by his girl friend who has collected all her stuff and left and another time he suddenly sees his girlfriend with another guy,  her child hood buddy who also has feelings for her. These two are followed by two sequences that shows complete breakdown of the character.
I don't condone any of the drug abuse and the following alcohol abuse shown in the movie, however, why I like the character of Parambrata, is because, he is an upright human being, a focused professional, yet he has his emotional moment. A lot of people [read men] will laugh and say that the portrayal is completely 'nayka' which is probably typical of the actor. 


I liked what the director wanted the scenes and the songs to state, that all humans un-biased by Gender divide, feel pain, abandonment, loss and hurt. They are all fragile, they get hurt, they may not show it outside, but may be they show it when they are all alone. Reminds me of a scene from Raincoat where Ajay Devgan's character cried in the Washroom. The pain of loss can never be so small and so little that it does not effect you.


May be a new age Bengali cinema can be truly innovative in portraying the truth that remains hidden behind the facade of what is socially acceptable. MEN DON'T CRY.


What I am trying to say is, guys don't make snide remarks and laugh when women you love cry and are emotional, because you never know when you may lose them and are reduced to crying the same way as you are making them cry now. YES, don't be under any doubt that you are hurting them with all your sarcasm, criticism, smartness. BE NICE for a change. Relationships aren't about "one man-upship".