Random Scribbling

I was browsing my friend's blog, she is such an accomplished Woman, she studied English Literature with me, went on to do an MBA, worked for the top Financial MNC, quit her high flying corporate job and now paints. Sometimes I wonder how little we consider ourselves in the big bad world yet there is something in all of us that makes us brilliant.

Getting back to the Browsing, so there in her blog my friend says, there are some nights when 'you just need someone t hold' ... as I read this I almost could hear my mind go, "this is exactly what I think.." In fact truth be told, I am positive my other friends would agree whole heartedly to this.

I think all of us - men or women, are bound by that one need to belong somewhere, may be that's what makes us Human, may be that's what we are here to do, find the 'elusive' soul mate. So, instead we go perusing other activities some result in discoveries and other in destruction. One day my friend was telling me that he is terrible at handling his personal life, which I thought was an absolute overstatement, at that time. Now I know what he was talking about.

The basic premise we seem to start out with is that there is Hope and there is something better at the next turn, all the arm chair philosophy and sappy movies work us into the illusion of happy endings. Mind you I am a BIG believer of happy endings.. I am just not too cool about all the trials between that time.

And why am I blabbering here then...

My friend --- yes yet another--- 'Friend' tells me that my blog posts are Arbit... Hmmm!! that should make me angry, but it doesn't. Why? I think may be I love my friend -- a little too much so I easily forgive, may be I think my posts are Arbit... and then it strikes me, nope, it's none of the above.. I have, at least in the case of the said friend and the said blog achieved, inner peace...

Not Kung fu panda-ish inner peace... more of 'I am at peace with my blog' so what my friend says is acceptable as 'his' opinion and not as a personal assault.

I tend to fixate on a few people at different points in my life.. drawing sustenance from them, and when you are like me, easily wounded by casual words, yet absolutely unrepentant 'meany' who always seems to be saying the mean thing ... you are bound to be hurt. Which I am. But today I did something different. I got over the hurt, made my terms with the slight loss against expectation, basically followed my own preaching, of reduced expectation. Making every thing they do as a personal disappointment is just being terribly demanding - which I am - I am totally emotionally high maintenance, and I would and could write at length of my demands but the truth remains every one fails me sometime - and I have failed folks many a times.

May be just for a second there I acted quite unlike myself... May be this is what compromise feels like ... May be "All I want is Everything" need not be the reason for misery.. May be liking a friend a 'lil more than is good' need not be so bad.