8th July, 2008

When there is this utmost desire to find the end which has long gone past, it amazes me how many times we are foolish to go back to find that long lost pain, only as if in desire to feel it once more.

Yet there must be an explanation, whatever science may or may not have discovered, for why we behave so irrationally.

Confusion seems to chase the mental peace so elusive, where you find rest, and all of sudden the same doubts rise back to the surface and haunt you. When you know all you have to do is hold out your hand, or just wait a lil longer, yet all you can think off is whether this is right.

Sometimes, you may not have time for other people in your life, to clearly know yet want to be a part of some one's life, is a whole lot of confusion. At a point in our lives, we perhaps make a smart choice of the head not to pursue aimlessly and stabilize our dreams to concrete evidences of maturity and fulfillment. Yet somewhere in a closed recess of our heart remains that desire of un achieved closeness with that somebody, where lay no hope or joy or happiness.

Happiness is an over-rated object pursued by mankind, in realms that are obviously filled with tracts of pain and remorse. Such are the paths of relationships, and success that has been met can be short - lived, or hard earned. For those who do not wish to fight a constant battle between the self and the object we desire, somewhere you must give up either the self or the Object.

Having given up the object, the course meanders through worse lanes and by-lanes of both memory that has Putrefied into something un- recognisable, or into hate, which may or may not last long enough to see you free from the burdens and shackles that tied you to the object.

Slipping on the murky shallows, of doubt and loneliness, you may find yourself walking or at least trying to trace back the connection broken, but to try is to become even more aware of the emptiness deep within, which cannot and will not be filled by any means.

A story resounds in my mind, of an old man and a young man comparing their Hearts, whereas the young heart was red, shapely, beautiful, the old heart had chunks missing, different shades of red, and ungainly in shape. The flaunting of the Perfect Heart of the youngster made the Old man explain...

" The discolored portions are pieces of heart that others have given to me, They may not fit, cause the shape or amount that I gave to them, were not returned in kind, the missing chunks are portions of my heart that I gave away, and did not get back anything in return, but I am happy for a heart is for loving, for it is to be given without the expectation of an exchange."

The heart is not perhaps one... there is a lot of heart in some people to give away , and may be that is a blessing. For to believe that there is just one heart we would limit our capacity to love. But it is important to understand and believe that some may not have similar capacity (or frailer capacity) to love.

And there may be it is best not to INVEST.